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8

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9johnb79
7Penelope

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hate fills my regret
and regret is my soul
my humanity lives within this
death and life lie between it
a world with black and white
life that ends
death that begins
a world of hatered
my love for one is killed
my like for live oblivious
no point for me to see tomarrow
but yet there is a light
guideing me through my hard times
it lives in me
it decides to save
and i live yet another day
with the hatered and sorrow of life

------
~trish~

dearest lord...thank you for my friends who care, the ones who help me when i have the smallest look of sorrow on my face. <3.


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The following comments are for "hate in my body"
by how do i live with this shame

good job
I liked this. It made me feel as though you were addressing that taboo of "Am I totally insane for feeling this way?" or "I know it's not nice to say....but I HATE LIFE." hate is a strong word, yet you managed to combine a few lines that dulled the harshness of the word to reveal a timid and soft nature. This is a contradiction that seems to work, I give it a nine!

( Posted by: johnb79 [Member] On: February 23, 2004 )

Youthful
umm I dont know what to say besides that you are at a very young age to be so let us say ..using so much of words like hate and regret...
If you read this please dont write like I hate my father in your bio it is sad ..

Further ..you have a whole life ahead of you dont have a negative approach to literature just yet ! ...you can write youthful and joyous poems much better than us old folks I am sure ...
there is a definite talent lurking here use it in a more youthful and joyous direction..

God bless.

( Posted by: RightingIt [Member] On: February 24, 2004 )

6.5/10
I think you lost the sense of imagery you had at the beginning of the poem. Regret is illustrated much more clearly than the feeble hope that keeps you going at the end. It weakens the inital impact of the strong first two lines. I think this is a decent poem that could use some work tightening the imagery to make it really good.

( Posted by: desconocida [Member] On: April 4, 2004 )





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