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7how do i live ..

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ck you
I hate you
I love to see you writhe in pain.
I love to see you ha ve no power to gain.
I hate to see you laugh and stare.
I hate to see you grind and bair.
Your life should be miserable.
your life should be unbarible,
but I know thats not the way.
I know they might not be true the things that you say. I know you still care even though those feelings you wont share.
I must keep my hate insice and let you huer my pride


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The following comments are for "i hate as a secret"
by u wont understand

This could be a real 'screw you with a rusty drainpipe' work. I beg you, please, please check your typos. 'Grind and bair' for example and esp. last line 'insice' and 'huer'. Try to rework the last three lines, too, they need shortening to carry on the rhythm of the preceding lines. You've lessened the impact of a powerful piece, but I still pity the target of your venom. For all its flaws, you're showing potential to deliver verse to hurt, evoke emotions and generally tell people off.
Paul the Ogg

( Posted by: ogg [Member] On: February 21, 2004 )

angst poetry
I like angst poetry. It's a genre unto itself. Lots of hurtin' and hatin' and misunderstandin'. But I agree about the typos. As a reader, you have to stop and try to figure out some of the words. Delivering those words is your job as a writer. I've seen you do lots better, Abigail.

When you're at your best, you seem to tend towards a sort of lyricism. Maybe if you thought in terms of a song, it would crystalise things for you. But maybe not. We're all different.

( Posted by: gsmonks [Member] On: February 22, 2004 )

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