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8.5

(2 votes)


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9hazelfaern
8Penelope

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whose indifference
broke your back

I remember
when you were 6 and dusty blonde
playing in the gravel
quiet and alone

before the days started pulling teeth
before the days started pushing back

whose indifference
broke your back
you replaced your spine
with a shotgun

you're yellow, jaundiced
look at what you've done

kids spread like snow angels

you got a cheerleader
by the bathrooms
the quarterback in the lobby

and you shot me
and Julio
down by the schoolyard

we were running like sweat
when the skin of the day turned cold

------
I'm very ape and very nice


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Comments

The following comments are for "feral/fetal"
by Joe Quinn

Elephant
This poem simply rocks. There's power in it's images and thge language is harsh in it's beauty which befits the topic. Once again I am impressed and kudos for the use of Paul Simon lyrics.

Bart

( Posted by: Bartleby [Member] On: February 19, 2004 )

Paul Simon? Where?
I also liked this poem quite a bit. The ending worked out well. I like the repeating lines "Whose indifference broke your back". It reminded me of that schoolyard saying "Step on a crack, break your mother's back" The whole of the poem reminded me a lot of Tori Amos' "I don't Like Mondays" off her "Strange Little Girls" import. That song of course deals with the same subject.

I was a little thrown off by the title to this until I looked up Feral in a dictionary ("like a wild beast") Though the fetal reference seems contradicted by the snow angels reference, I suppose this refers to the mindset of the girl in the poem?

And then, Bartelby, where did you find Paul Simon in this?

( Posted by: hazelfaern [Member] On: February 19, 2004 )

title
I liked this poem a lot as well as the title that went along with it. I think the title did it for me. Very awesome use of words. =D

( Posted by: Darkshine Raven [Member] On: February 19, 2004 )

yeow
hey, i like this. a lot. enough to comment when i really should be getting back to work.

actually, the only place i wished for a change was paul simon's big moment. since the poem's so short, i was hoping for another startling image of yours instead of, well, paul's.

very well done. props.

ark

( Posted by: ark [Member] On: February 20, 2004 )





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