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8Penelope

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White marble stones stretched out before me
As endless as the the green-blue sea
Cradled within the earths keep
Lay those in dreamless sleep
Soldiers one and all...
Arose to meet their countries call
Gallantly marched forth into battle
Striking a enemy who dared to try and bridle
The human rights to live freely
No matter what race,color or creed
Yes! Soldiers lay beneath these greens
Owed much more then one could ever gleam
Even the medal of Honor would seem
Dull by comparison for they sacrificed dreams
Though their names are not chiseled on stone
Just this simple single word....Unknown


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Comments

The following comments are for "Sea of Marble"
by lynlin

Balance
Good balance of provoking solemn thoughts without manipulating sentiment. This could have easily evolved into a tear-jerker, but you kept the audience focused on honor, bravery, and duty. Well done.

( Posted by: amethyst [Member] On: February 19, 2004 )

ditto
Solemn . . . exactly the word I was looking for, amethyst. Solemn, without being patronizing or maudlin.

( Posted by: gsmonks [Member] On: February 20, 2004 )

Marble
While I really liked this poem overall, I feel it's actually the last four lines which could use some work. Beginning with "Even the medal of honor" and running into the next line, I feel you've lost your solemn tone and become too exuberant. With the last two lines, I feel you've missed an opportunity to fully drive home your point -- here you could have more deliberately contrasted the fullness of what is owed with the wistful irony of even their names remaining unknown.

( Posted by: hazelfaern [Member] On: February 20, 2004 )





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