Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search
 




Average Rating
7.80

(21 votes)


RatingRated by
7Bartleby
8chapter1
8Clairesbest
10Cynical_Scribe
7Darkshine Raven
7Elphaba
7elspeth_flick
10EndlessFear
7evil_bacteria
7hazelfaern
8Jessicanm
8joenuts
10johnb79
10Penelope
8punker chick
7rcallaci
8Safari Invasion
5Saratin
9Sneaky
7Spudley
6strangedaze

You must login to vote

A swirling trace,
Can crack the case.
Read the wall,
Where a finger may fall.

Uniquely designed,
The crook it will find
Was in the end betrayed,
A print to end the masquerade.

In the trade of sleight of hand,
Is it not ironicly grand,
That the hand's fingers,
Leave a trace that long lingers.



------
When the winds of the west blow, it is called Farror, for he is the god of all wind.



Comments

The following comments are for "Finger Prints"
by Farror

Simple
Seemed a tad simple for me. I thought it lacked depth. It was still fairly well written, and a good showing.

-SD

( Posted by: strangedaze [Member] On: February 16, 2004 )

Finger Prints
A goodie Farror, I liked it very much.

fingers...long lingers

an excellent wordplay

( Posted by: Sneaky [Member] On: February 17, 2004 )

stunted
Farror, I liked this poem but I thought that it's a bit too...eh, what's the word? Simplistic maybe. I'm not really sure because that's not quite what it is...Well, in any case I'm a bit of an oddball about poetry and I prefer when I'm left a bit confused. I didn't really feel as much confused by this as I felt let down. It was the short lines, the simplistic rythme scheme, and the shortness of the poem itself. I felt like there could have been, needed to have been, more to it.

There were some good moments, like the line Penelope mentioned about the masquerade and the last two lines. Unfortunately I really liked Kitten's piece and so I'm going with hers this time around. =D 7/10

( Posted by: Darkshine Raven [Member] On: February 17, 2004 )

Awkward
Sorry to say it, but reading this poem some of the rhymes sounded a bit forced. I also found the rhythm was a bit awkward in places.

That said, I did like some of the pictures you painted; there were some interesting turns of phrase in there, which made the write-off contest a close one for me.

I've given this one to Kitten, but not by much of a margin.

( Posted by: Spudley [Member] On: February 17, 2004 )

Potential
The poem had potential but it needed a bit more length and maybe depth.

( Posted by: RightingIt [Member] On: February 17, 2004 )

Thanks and OOF
Well, thanks for all the good feeback and compliments. As for the simplisity, that's just the way I write, sorry if you don't like it RightingIn, oh man that three is hurting!

( Posted by: Farror [Member] On: February 17, 2004 )

heh
Hey Bart, don't I get a comment? ;)

( Posted by: Farror [Member] On: February 17, 2004 )

and ye shall receive
Farror~

I've been ruminating on what advice and critique to give this poem. I will agree that there are some good places in this poem, turns of phrase and the like. My biggest problem is this piece felt forced and heavy-handed to me.(Much like your comment on my lack of comment.) But that's just my two yen.

Bart

( Posted by: Bartleby [Member] On: February 17, 2004 )

promise
i agree with most of the other comments, simple but appealing. maybe a little bit forced...? still nice to read though. well done.

( Posted by: elspeth_flick [Member] On: February 18, 2004 )

Congratulations
Thanks for competing against me, Farror, I realize you had some troubles getting your entry in, and I appreciate you pulling through.

I have to admit, I feel strange commenting on this one, because had I taken the time to plan more carefully my entry, I would've written a poem much the same as this one. Like Penelope, it could've used more mystery, it would've added to the thief theme, and perhaps another stanza or so would've done it. You did have some brilliant phrases, wonderful sets of words that worked very well. Your images were also well done. Being the traditionalist I am, I would also suggest that you try for tighter rhythm. I personally would've found the poem more appealing had your words been more even. However, you did an excellent job, and I hope to see you in another Write Off.

Oh, and darn you for giving away the answer to my riddle! *smile*

-Kitten

( Posted by: Kitten Courna [Member] On: February 22, 2004 )

Thanks
Well thank you very much for the possitive feedback, although I should be congradulating you on yoiur victory!

( Posted by: Farror [Member] On: February 22, 2004 )





Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.


Username:
Password:
Subject:
Comment:





Login:
Password: