Finger Prints
by Farror (Member) - published: February 16, 2004
Word Count: 56 Word Bytes: 413 Viewed: 2081 times
Category - The Write Off
© Copyright by Farror

7.80

(21 votes)

Rating	Rated by

7	Bartleby

8	chapter1

8	Clairesbest

10	Cynical_Scribe

7	Darkshine Raven

7	Elphaba

7	elspeth_flick

10	EndlessFear

7	evil_bacteria

7	hazelfaern

8	Jessicanm

8	joenuts

10	johnb79

10	Penelope

8	punker chick

7	rcallaci

8	Safari Invasion

5	Saratin

9	Sneaky

7	Spudley

6	strangedaze

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A swirling trace,
Can crack the case.
Read the wall,
Where a finger may fall.

Uniquely designed,
The crook it will find
Was in the end betrayed,
A print to end the masquerade.

In the trade of sleight of hand,
Is it not ironicly grand,
That the hand's fingers,
Leave a trace that long lingers.

------
When the winds of the west blow, it is called Farror, for he is the god of all wind.

Comments

The following comments are for "Finger Prints"
by Farror

Simple
Seemed a tad simple for me. I thought it lacked depth. It was still fairly well written, and a good showing.

-SD

( Posted by: strangedaze [Member] On: February 16, 2004 )

ironicly
You show great promise as a poet. This piece was too short it needed 1 or 2 more stanzas. It has a decent flow to it although it was somewhat stilted in parts. As I said before you got the writing bones. Nice work

warmest regards,
Bob

( Posted by: rcallaci [Moderator] On: February 16, 2004 )

title
This is the first time I have seen two poems so similar in the write off. I would have preferred a more beguiling title but somehow your poem grabbed me just that extra inch. I think what won me over was masquerade. I thought about masked intruders and it gave the whole poem a complete aura. You have used some simple words elegantly and that gives me a nice feeling. You spelled ironically wrong but sleight correctly. I tend to point out errors in the write off that I would be more charitable about in regular submissions. However, I'm going to use Washer's scoring system and give you a 10/10.

( Posted by: Penelope [Member] On: February 16, 2004 )

Finger Prints
A goodie Farror, I liked it very much.

fingers...long lingers

an excellent wordplay

( Posted by: Sneaky [Member] On: February 17, 2004 )

missed something
Farror, I was in such a rush to get to work last night that I forgot to mention something. Crook as in bad guy and crooked finger .. wonderful! I did notice it right away but neglected to point it out .. ha ha. Lovely play on words. If it wasn't meant to be .. DON'T CONFESS! :-)

( Posted by: Penelope [Member] On: February 17, 2004 )

stunted
Farror, I liked this poem but I thought that it's a bit too...eh, what's the word? Simplistic maybe. I'm not really sure because that's not quite what it is...Well, in any case I'm a bit of an oddball about poetry and I prefer when I'm left a bit confused. I didn't really feel as much confused by this as I felt let down. It was the short lines, the simplistic rythme scheme, and the shortness of the poem itself. I felt like there could have been, needed to have been, more to it.

There were some good moments, like the line Penelope mentioned about the masquerade and the last two lines. Unfortunately I really liked Kitten's piece and so I'm going with hers this time around. =D 7/10

( Posted by: Darkshine Raven [Member] On: February 17, 2004 )

Awkward
Sorry to say it, but reading this poem some of the rhymes sounded a bit forced. I also found the rhythm was a bit awkward in places.

That said, I did like some of the pictures you painted; there were some interesting turns of phrase in there, which made the write-off contest a close one for me.

I've given this one to Kitten, but not by much of a margin.

( Posted by: Spudley [Member] On: February 17, 2004 )

Potential
The poem had potential but it needed a bit more length and maybe depth.

( Posted by: RightingIt [Member] On: February 17, 2004 )

Count me in.
I liked this one the best. I loved the subject matter and was hoping you were going to jump into arch, loops, and whorls when it comes to fingerprints and the such. I would have really liked to see more of this piece, it was too short for my taste but I still like it. This reminded me of the time my forensic evaluator brought in dried digits (if you get my drift) and made us print them for an exam. Yeesh, but I loved that class.

Very nice work here. Hope you win. ;)

~Jessica

( Posted by: Jessicanm [Member] On: February 17, 2004 )

Thanks and OOF
Well, thanks for all the good feeback and compliments. As for the simplisity, that's just the way I write, sorry if you don't like it RightingIn, oh man that three is hurting!

( Posted by: Farror [Member] On: February 17, 2004 )

heh
Hey Bart, don't I get a comment? ;)

( Posted by: Farror [Member] On: February 17, 2004 )

see?
Farror You are doing it again! :-)

( Posted by: Penelope [Member] On: February 17, 2004 )

and ye shall receive
Farror~

I've been ruminating on what advice and critique to give this poem. I will agree that there are some good places in this poem, turns of phrase and the like. My biggest problem is this piece felt forced and heavy-handed to me.(Much like your comment on my lack of comment.) But that's just my two yen.

Bart

( Posted by: Bartleby [Member] On: February 17, 2004 )

promise
i agree with most of the other comments, simple but appealing. maybe a little bit forced...? still nice to read though. well done.

( Posted by: elspeth_flick [Member] On: February 18, 2004 )

enjoyed!
Well, this is my first experience with a write off...(i didn't even know they existed)...Farror, a valiant effort and a good premise, but the rhyme seemed a little forced to me...which in the confines of whatever rules govern the write off, may be wholly acceptable :) I appreciate the fact that you put yourself out there and gave it the college try!

Claire

( Posted by: Clairesbest [Member] On: February 19, 2004 )

Congratulations
Thanks for competing against me, Farror, I realize you had some troubles getting your entry in, and I appreciate you pulling through.

I have to admit, I feel strange commenting on this one, because had I taken the time to plan more carefully my entry, I would've written a poem much the same as this one. Like Penelope, it could've used more mystery, it would've added to the thief theme, and perhaps another stanza or so would've done it. You did have some brilliant phrases, wonderful sets of words that worked very well. Your images were also well done. Being the traditionalist I am, I would also suggest that you try for tighter rhythm. I personally would've found the poem more appealing had your words been more even. However, you did an excellent job, and I hope to see you in another Write Off.

Oh, and darn you for giving away the answer to my riddle! *smile*

-Kitten

( Posted by: Kitten Courna [Member] On: February 22, 2004 )

Thanks
Well thank you very much for the possitive feedback, although I should be congradulating you on yoiur victory!

( Posted by: Farror [Member] On: February 22, 2004 )

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