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(18 votes)

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9Darkshine Raven
8punker chick
9Safari Invasion

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Swirling like a roiling sea
bending, creasing, moving be,
that which marks the roving shore
to write our names forever more

Ridged like the mighty rolling hills,
suffering for your many skills,
rough as rock and soft as rain,
Between our hands together lain.

At dance, Let them be for every lass
As oft on partner as on glass

They're precious as identity,
for it's known they cannot lie

Hard to lose, for hard they bind
But many theives leave them behind.

For I'm a rover
Seldom sober
I'm a rover of high degree.
An' when I'm drinkin'
I'm always thinkin'
of how to gain my Love's company
-I'm a Rover, via Great Big Sea

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The following comments are for "Riddle"
by Kitten Courna

I think...
We have a winner. Very nice. Makes me want to get up there and write-off. Well done!


( Posted by: strangedaze [Member] On: February 16, 2004 )

Wow, a nice mysterious one Kitten! I love the way you use your words and the nice flow of this. When I finished reading I realized that I was curious to know more so I read again...that's the kind of poem I like! Great...I'm definitely giving you this one. =D 9/10

Oh one thing though...what were you thinking with the second to last couplet? It's the only thing I'm not too excited about here.

( Posted by: Darkshine Raven [Member] On: February 17, 2004 )

Some good bits
I liked this poem... mostly. It has some very good bits - the last couplet, for example was excellent - but I felt that some other parts were weaker.

I think it's the better of the two in this write off, but I don't think it's your best.

( Posted by: Spudley [Member] On: February 17, 2004 )

Final Gong
Terrific! I am too overwhelmed to say anything else umm I read both the poems aaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnd the winnnnnnnnnnner is Kitten Courma

( Posted by: RightingIt [Member] On: February 17, 2004 )

Riddle me this

As you already know I gave this piece the nod. I usually wait until a few folks have weighed in before opening my pie hole, but I think unlucky 13 is enough.

I agree with Spud and Jess, this is not one of your best. It's good and accomplishes the goal of the Write Off with style, but I know you can and will do better.

Strangely the disjointed nature of disperate clues to answer the riddle posed in the title, is what did it for me. It showed a lot of creativity and didn't lean to heavily on the obvious answer. Excellent job all around with a hard topic. I tried it myself before giving it to you, check out my recent haiku "mechanic" and you'll see I had a hard time too.

Thanks for taking another stab at the Write Off, maybe next time around I'll join in.


( Posted by: Bartleby [Member] On: February 17, 2004 )

I like this one best from the two.But i cant really comment, cause i suck at poetry myself.Good job though!

( Posted by: northerain [Member] On: February 18, 2004 )

very nice!
that was beautiful. looking forward to reading some of your other pieces.

( Posted by: elspeth_flick [Member] On: February 18, 2004 )

That flowed really well, nice imagery, nice rhyme. High regards.

( Posted by: Safari Invasion [Member] On: February 18, 2004 )

the sound pattern in the first line seems a bit...contrived. and i guess "(moving) be" is too weak to effect a nice rhyme with the "sea". but the rest of the poem is good, especially the final couplet, which is the most meaningful, i think.

( Posted by: joenuts [Member] On: February 20, 2004 )

It's over when it's over
..and I suppose it's over now. I was surprised at the number of responses to this write off, quite a good showing!

I have to admit that I cheated you all, though, with the format and the poem itself. An impromptu celebration for a friend kept me from putting a lot of work into this one. I have a feeling that putting the topic into riddle form is almost cheating as well. Though Bart pardoned me, it seems like a rather cheap gimmick.

All the same, I kinda like this one. I tried to do a lot with it, and failed fairly miserably. But I will address the problem of the 'unrhymed couplet'. Bob seems to have understood how I felt. What I used is a contrived sort of "sight rhyme" that I usually only use in first draft poems until a better scheme can be thought of with no sacrifice of my meaning. though the couplet itself didn't rhyme, breaking out of the normal style that makes the charm of poem the sound of it read aloud, I was trying to associate the 'lie' with the 'y'. Really, it was kind of bad form *smile*. Ah well. I enjoyed this piece myself (as you can see from the babbling), but I hope that the rest of you enjoyed it as well.

Spudley, Ironically enough, the last couplet I added in as a compulsive nod to the competition, feeling that the rest of the clues were perhaps too hard to understand.

Bart: I tried to paint some kind of image with the clues, but gave up in favor of making the riddle more answerable. It was supposed to have kind of an old-style feel; I've been playing with Viennese waltz too much, as well. It would be fun to give it another go, perhaps bring itup to expectations. And "Mechanic" should've wont the Write Off, if you ask me.

Northerain: I have a distinct distaste for poetry. Don't let little things like your own thoughts get in your way! *smile*

Bob: You always spot me. A critical eye peeking out of the mind of an excellent poet.

Joenuts: The sound pattern is meant to reminiscent of the object it describes, hopefully the difficult repetitions of the repeated liquid 'l' sound would bring the ocean to mind. And the 'moving be' is somethign you'd see more often in older poems, otherwise known as syntactical nightmares. It was a tad contrived though, I see what you mean for certain.

Whew. I might have to reconsider this whole 'comment at the end' policy if response is kept this high.

Thank you to everyone for stopping by and commenting and voting!


( Posted by: Kitten Courna [Member] On: February 21, 2004 )

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