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8.66

(3 votes)


RatingRated by
10EndlessFear
8gsmonks
8linisarah

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A call to you, from me.
I want you to set me free.

Wind blows strong and free,
Time is the object, a simple breeze.

Your life made a change.
The feeling, love, so strange.

Are you sure?
You say Iím your cure.

I simple dream,
I have for you, sets the theme.

Your beauty seems to shine.
I want you, our love, divine.

Life just shooting the breeze,
Is my life, still, good enough to please?

Old age creeps upon us,
All our love, success.

Before laying in the same bed,
Now, lying in the same grave, dead.

Life lived, happy.
Hope this poemís not to sappy.

For this is for a girl I loved,
Life never went, unloved.

DrkPoet

------
DrkPoet


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Comments

The following comments are for "Love Till Death"
by drkpoet

Sappy
The subject of love painted over with your own dark colour drkpoet. I like the image of love transcending death, it brings a new twist to the old adage 'till death do us part'. The third last line struck me as a little out of place however. Before. I think the speaker was talking to their dead lover whereas this seems directed towards the reader. Also I hate the word 'sappy' but that's probably just because I generally just hate the word 'sappy'. Good wholesome stuff though.

( Posted by: Emlyn [Member] On: February 22, 2004 )

Love
I feel the pain of this poem knowing what love feels like and having lost it, knowing you have found your soulmate to have it get out of grasp. Well written, I enjoyed it thoroughly.

( Posted by: EndlessFear [Member] On: February 22, 2004 )

It's very hard to write
a love poem with a new spin - they've all been taken, it seems. That shows up in this poem. This felt rather juvenile to me - like a lovestruck teen doodling in his notebook during English class. It has a disjointed rhythm and an unformed feel to it as I read it. I come to the end of each line and it stops abruptly leaving me to feel like I'm going to fall off a cliff or something. I think it needs a lot of work.

( Posted by: cyn [Member] On: November 4, 2004 )





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