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6

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6Saratin

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When I went to school today, mom
People made fun of me,
They treated me like I was different. Mom
They treated me like I wasnít me.

Why do people care? Mom
Care what I look like.
Just cause Iím a little different. Mom
Does it mean they have to laugh?

Donít they have better to do?
Some things to study,
It was the first day.
A new school, I thought a new start.

I asked a question today, mom
Was it really that stupid?
That they had to keep laughing. Mom
I wanted to just leave.

I had to do it mom,
You gave me no support.
You gave me know insight. Mom
I just had to take them pills.

Wait what the hell is going on?
Iím beginning to feel a little ill.
My heads spinning round.
My ears hear no sound.

Wait mom, I want it to stop.
Make it stop now.
Wait mom, youíre the reason.
Let the pills take effect.

DrkPoet

------
DrkPoet


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Comments

The following comments are for "Suicide"
by drkpoet

DrkPoet
The subject matter - image fascism, deserves to be pilloried as often as possible. The elements are there, rejection, despair, tragedy. But I found myself really stumbling over rhythm, scan, rhyme. 1st verse syllable pattern - 6, 8, 11, 9. Say the verse out loud, tap your foot to the beat. You must carry this theme on and I hope you accept my criticism as constructive.
Keep writing,
Paul the Ogg

( Posted by: Ogg [Member] On: February 18, 2004 )

Hmm
Six and a half in my books. I really did like what you were trying to convey here- the subject matter was original and well-chosen.

However, the poem severely lacks imagery, and the structure is both awkward and stumbling. Still, I would like to see a poem on this subject submitted again.

( Posted by: Saratin [Member] On: February 19, 2004 )





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