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"I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand
Walking through the streets of So Ho in the rain
I Johnny Cash looking down from heaven
Crying that the dead werewolf took his Grammy away"

Okay, so the second 2 lines are of my creation; what can i say, i'm damaged. It's simply my way of saying that the posthumous and deathbed awards kicked my ass. Four of the winners were people i said would win, which gives me 4 out of 17. 4 of the winners were people i said should win, giving me 4 out of 17. If i combine those scores, that gives me a 47%, so that's the number i'm going with. If you don't like it, tough. Read something else. Wait! Don't go! Love me, love me, love me!!! Ok, fine, i got 4 right. That's 24%. Not bad for my first outing. So, let's take a look at the ones i wasn't even close on.

Record of the year: Winner: Coldplay - Clocks, My winner: Outkast - Hey Ya!

Many, many critics didn't quite see this one coming. However, one critic made a very good point in his prediction. Beyonce's Crazy in Love was also nominated in this category. It is very possible that these two canceled each other out, for lack of better phrase. The votes that would normally go to a R&B nominee got split amongst the two, allowing Coldplay to slide right in like a high school quarterback, if i'm not being too subtle. Dirty, dirty Coldplay. Taking advantage of poor, naive Grammy.

Song of the year: Winner: Luther Vandross - Dance With My Father, My winner: Christina Aquilera - Beautiful

Some did not see this coming as well, but it makes sense. Luther suffered a severe stroke earlier this year. Luther has never won a Grammy, so voters may have felt guilty and decided to give him the award before it's too late. Also, this song was the tear jerker du jour. Christina has a long life ahead of her, lets give the award to the nearly dead guy.

Best Pop Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocal: Winner: No Doubt - Underneath it All, My winner: Matchbox Twenty - Unwell

Okay. I'll admit it. I love matchbox twenty. A lot. Like i would blow Kyle Cook. Maybe. If i were drunk. And gay. But still, i was probably blinded by my love for mb20. But remember, VH1 voted "Unwell" the video of the year, and the song was everywhere. Not as much as "Bring Me To Life," but close.Meanwhile, critics loved Rock Steady (by No Doubt) when it first came out, it was their experimental album. And a damn good one. It got me feeling hella good. Maybe. If i was drunk...

Best Pop Collaboration With Vocals: Winner: Whenever I Say Your Name - Sting & Mary J. Blige, My winner: Feel Good Time - Pink Featuring William Orbit

I'll admit. I knew nothing about this category, so i just went with what seemed the most likely, Christina Aquilera. I think i figured out the problem, though. This is a song basically saying "There's nothing wrong with being a slut." I'm guessing the Grammy's looked down on this.

Best Female Rock Vocal Performance: Winner: Trouble - Pink, My winner: Are You Happy Now? - Michelle Branch

I'll make his simple. I like Pink a lot. Maybe too much. And i do think she is worthy f a Grammy. But i have to be honest. I don't consider her rock. She has the rock attitude, but her music seems more like pop to me. Michelle Branch is pop as well, but i considered her closer to rock. I guess i was wrong. Poor Michelle. Good Pink.

Best Rock Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocal: Winner: Disorder In The House - Warren Zevon & Bruce Springsteen, My winner: Times Like These - Foo Fighters

Damn posthumous awards! Put simply, again the Grammy Association felt bad for not giving him an award while he was alive, so they figured better late than never, especially since The White Stripes were going to win a couple other Grammys. I still stand by my statement that any song good enough to have 2 versions on the billboard countdown at the same time and inspire a 3rd interpretation at the Grammys deserves an award.

Best Hard Rock Performance: Winner: Bring Me To Life - Evanescence Featuring Paul McCoy, My winner: Like A Stone- Audioslave

Evanescence was everywhere. That's all there is to it. I underestimated Evanescence and over estimated the critical acclaim of Audioslave.

Best Rock Song: Winner: Bring Me To Life - Evanescence Featuring Paul McCoy, My Winner: Seven Nation Army - The White Stripes

Same as before, only the exact opposite.

Best Rock Album: Winner: One By One - Foo Fighters, My Winner: Fallen - Evanescence

Kinda the same deal. I figured Foo Fighters wouldn't be given a fair shake, even though it was hailed as their most consistent album to date. And nobody can deny the power Fallen had on people. I guess in this particular instance i underestimated the Grammys.

Best Metal Performance: Winner: St. Anger - Metallica, My winner: mOBSCENE - Marilyn Manson

Manson may be satanic, but Metallica made a deal with Norah Jones. 'Nuff said.

So that wraps up the Grammy Awards for this year. Let me leave you with just a few thoughts for those of you dissapointed that your band didn't win. 1) In 1976 The Starland Vocal Band won Best New Artist. One of the people they beat: Elvis Costello. 2) In 1988, Metallica was nominated for Best Hard Rock/Metal Performance Vocal or instrumental for Master Of Puppets. And the award went to... Jethro Tull. 3) Milli Vanilli once won a Grammy. So calm down, have a drink, and watch out for that Werewolf with perfect hair drinking a Pina Colada at Trader Vic's.

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The following comments are for "Grammys Wrap-up"
by E.G. Evans

I think all Matchbox Twenty would-be groupies need to gather here. Why have they never performed on the Grammys (outside of Rob Thomas with Santana)? I couldn't stand the No Doubt win.

I love the Foo Fighters, too (Dave Grohl is a god), so I'm happy with their win. Would've liked to have seen "Times Like These" win, too.

"Manson may be satanic, but Metallica made a deal with Norah Jones. 'Nuff said."-- Amen. Metallica must be blowing... well, never mind.

Nice wrap-up. :)

( Posted by: Elphaba [Member] On: February 12, 2004 )

Kyle Cook
Wow, glad to know that you could swing our way showty. Kyle cook probably gets that alot, and I always thought he was the best looking in the group, bump-a-buncha Rob Thomas, Kyle is a HOTTIE! "push" was such a good song, I was in the 11th grade when it came out, and well I guess I feel in love then.

Not much coverage on Beyonce here(she was one of the bigger winners with a total of 5), I admit I thought you'd tweek that for just me. It's ok, your column was full of humor and a very funny read. Good job!

( Posted by: johnb79 [Member] On: February 13, 2004 )

Yeah, i was thinking of covering some Beyonce. But again, she was only nominated for one award in the categories that I covered, and she didn't win. Covering her 5 awards would have seemed kinda extraneous.

( Posted by: E.G. Evans [Member] On: February 13, 2004 )

Just kidding
But I do love my Beyonce. She's a really original artist, she writes most of what she sings, something that I am sure a writer like you can appreciate. I have another Q for you, is your avatar a pic of you, or is that a guy from U2? Let me know, thanks E.G.E., you have another year before you have to get ready to make your Grammy column "Beyonce Friendly". Hee-hee

( Posted by: johnb79 [Member] On: February 15, 2004 )

It's okay
I let it slide this time, but next time you shall get a damn good lashing! Or maybe just a spanking. Eh, i'll just bitch and moan like i always do. Anyway, yeah, the avatar is of The Edge. I've been playing guitar for about 6 years, and The Edge is one of my 3 idols (Art Alexakis (Everclear), Mike McCready (Pearl Jam) and Linsey Buckingham Fleetwood Mac) being the other 3. But overall, The Edge is what i aspire to be in my own guitar skills and overall persona and stage manner.

One more year until "The First Annual Beyonce Bashing!" J/K. or am i?.....

( Posted by: E.G. Evans [Member] On: February 15, 2004 )

too funny E.G.! I think you were kidding about B-Bashing, but I could be wrong. Thanks for cleaing THE EDGE up, I thought he looked very familiar, how very attractive!:-)

( Posted by: johnb79 [Member] On: February 17, 2004 )

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