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7False Dawn

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It rewinds.

Up, up, way back
From the beginning
That never-was-so-splendid starting.

It plays.

Tangible subjects of unforgotten,
Intangible existence
Figmented, tuned abrasions.

They play.

The tape jams
Rummages of chock-full, brimming thoughts
Whiz in seconds before

The playing stops.

Her raving mind clots up,
In bits.
It wounds up


(a poem i penned ages ago. and now i'm free from these shackles)

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The following comments are for "blind man pirouettes."
by inundatedgrace

One rating
Er, RightingIt, why have you given this a one? It was much more deserving than that. I like the verse structure. Very interesting. Not bad for an old piece.

( Posted by: False Dawn [Member] On: February 14, 2004 )

Over Intellect
Poetry has to be for the masses, over intellectualism cannot be treated as for consumption which can be universal,
the best poet and the best poetry is that uses simple words and simple rhymes to convey the deepest of meanings.
BTW pirouette is a ballet dancers spin around on one foot or on point on toe ,presumably referring to the tape wheel turning as it plays.
This is too intellectual.
The ending

In bits.
It wounds up


Dead would be the same as inanimate,(smile)

( Posted by: RightingIt [Member] On: February 14, 2004 )

Hummm I liked the structure of this one, but it didn't move me at all. It didn't really stir any emotion inside of me whatsoever. When I read poetry, I need to feel something I guess, and this one didn't do it for me.


( Posted by: strangedaze [Member] On: February 14, 2004 )

There's absolutely nothing wrong with being intellectual. If the pirouette is referring to the tape playing, then I think that's a damn good metaphor. I'm not sure, strangedaze, if it was meant to make you feel. It had an odd detachment to it, an indifference, a lack of animation, so to speak. In one way, it works.

( Posted by: False Dawn [Member] On: February 14, 2004 )

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