Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search
 




Average Rating
9

(1 votes)


RatingRated by
9HavocTheDemon

You must login to vote

The room darkened as the clouds came in. The wind howled as if it was in excruciating pain. Rain pounded against my window furiously. I knew what was coming. My stomach clenched as I became unnerved. Then it started with a slow rumble. The sound started resembling belt cracks. I started to really worry then. I rummaged around the floor for some type of solace. I finally came upon it when I found my Glow Worm. Now the light show came. After ever tremendous crash, a huge bust of light would flood the room. Now the wind was screaming through the house, as I became really nervous. I hide my face under the blankets to no avail. Looking for a safer place, I dove under my bed. This still didn’t keep the horrors outside from coming in. I ran over to the closet and locked myself in. I felt like a mouse being toyed with by a cat. It grew worse now. I could hear the tree in the yard pounding to get away from it. I knew then that there was only one safe place I could go. I gathered up all the strength I had left and opened the closet door and dove to the side of the bed. I rose up from the floor and reached for the door knob. An explosive crack from outside slammed me against the door. I hurriedly opened the door and ran. I raced as fast as I could to my parent’s room and jumped under the covers. My mother and father could sense how scared I was and wrapped their arms around me!

------
“I tell you: one must have chaos in one, to give birth to a dancing star. I tell you: you still have chaos in you.”
- Nietzsche, Thus Spoke Zarathustra



Comments

The following comments are for "Fear"
by MadFreak317

Shocking!
Another talented writer! Props to you, for such a short piece the emotion is overwhelming. Litdotorg is full of surprises, and im still shocked when more and more talent rises up seemingly from nowhere. The tone of fear and danger you convey is amazing.

Ive got my eye on you, keep on writing, you got the gift!

( Posted by: HavocTheDemon [Member] On: January 20, 2010 )

Fear
For flash fiction it's a good piece. I think it could have been darker with a reporting of thoughts and feelings other than 'scared' and nervous' those should be unsaid and known in the writings mood. If there is dread here, center on dread! What horrors? A child can imagine any number of things - tell of some! I didn't feel any sense of relief when the parents were introduced. Just my nitpicky offering. I do know how difficult it is to write flash fiction that works - this one works - just some small ideas offered.

( Posted by: jonpenny [Member] On: January 28, 2010 )





Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.


Username:
Password:
Subject:
Comment:





Login:
Password: