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Sandra was waiting for them at one of the outdoor tables in front of the Easternhorn, elbows on the table, hands curled into fists.
"Oh. Good," she said through clenched teeth. "You're alive. Not that I was waiting here having a nervous breakdown about it or anything."
"I gave you the all-clear first," Liam said, taking a seat next to her. "Told you everyone was dead."
"Oh, you mean when you said 'Hey, Sandra, we just got ambushed out of the blue and- lucky us!- we killed them all, but something feels suspicious here, bye now'. Gosh," she said, making wide mock-innocent eyes at him. "There's no reason I should be worried about that."
"All right, so I can see how you might've-"
"I'm not talking to you right now." She turned and motioned Isaac to sit down on the other side of her. "How was your mom?"
"Oh." Isaac sat down. "She was all right. How've you been?"
"Missing you two." She hugged him, then kissed him on the cheek. "Even Idiot Boy over there." She turned back and glared at Liam. "For someone as androgynous as you are, you talk with your dick a lot, you know that?"
"I haven't a clue what you're talking about, love."
"Come on." She took on a comic baritone voice. 'No! Stay back, fair maiden, while I, Captain Penis, investigate this danger! It's far too dangerous for you'. Sound familiar?"
"Bollocks. It's got nothing to do with gender. I'd have said the same if you were male." Liam paused, one side of his mouth curling up. "And...Captain Penis?"
"Shut up, I'm improvising." Sandra considered. "Although I'd totally have read a comic book called Captain Penis as a kid."
"Hell," Isaac said. "That's all of them. Except Wonder Woman. That'd be Lady Bondage, I guess."
"I'd definitely have read that as a kid." Sandra slapped Liam upside the head. "Hey. You. Give me a kiss, jerkface, before I give up on you and snog Isaac again."
"Can I snog Isaac?"
"Kiss. Now."
"Yes, ma'am."
When she pulled away, she slapped him- not too hard- across the cheek. "I don't care why. Even if it wasn't because I'm a gurl." She said it with the same mock-baritone. "You don't ever get to tell me to stay away." She gripped his chin with one hand and looked into the twin mirrors of his lenses. "Understand?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Good." She led him go, then hugged him. "I missed you. Both of you."
"We were gone for a day, love."
She pulled away and looked at him with a gleam in her eyes. "Yes. And?"
"And...and I missed you, too."
"Good boy." She hugged him again, then turned around and hugged Isaac. "I'm really happy you're not dead."
"I think that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me."
Sandra looked them both over. "Lunch first, or business first?"
"Lunch," Liam said. "I've just killed someone. I desire whiskey."
She cast an eye at Isaac. "This is how he deals with these things. It's like having hysterics, only you get drunk at the end."
Liam grinned. "But that's how I deal with all my troubles."
"You have hysterics?"
"Har. Anyway. You can get drunk at the end of hysterics," Liam said. "But you have to use gin. It's a rule, I swear. I read it in a book. With pages and everything."
"I'm impressed."
"I just want a sandwich," Isaac said. "Can we get a sandwich here?"
"Ah, but is it a hysterical sandwich?"
"Liam, it is downright side-splitting."
"So. It seems to me...well, it seems to me you won't be eating the rest of that toast." Liam swiped it from Sandra's plate and used it to mop up his egg. "It also seems to me that we need to pay wossname- Devi?- a visit. Her airship's still here, so she hasn't made the jump back to the Arcanelle."
Sandra grabbed the other piece of toast before he could snap it up. "And if her bodyguards kill us dead?"
"Well, then we'll know, won't we?"
She jabbed the piece of toast at him. "No. We won't know anything, on account of being dead."
He plucked it from her fingers. "Whereas you had a brilliant, sweeping plan to...?"
"Don't push me."
"You don't have one, do you?"
"No, thanks for pointing that out. I was hoping I could goad you into thinking of a better one." She snatched the last bit of toast back before he could devour it. "You always think better when I'm harassing you."
"Actually," Isaac said. "I've got a better plan."
They both looked at him.
"Go for it," Sandra said.
Isaac turned on his comm. "Standish?"
"Yes, I'm here. Yes, I know." The old man sounded both tired and amused. "I've taken the liberty of monitoring events from the time you were ambushed. I had intended to send the resultant information to Devianora Stone, but-"
"But?"
"She contacted me before I could do so. They have you on ambient cam, including the alarming destruction of your attackers. It seems Sandra gave Ms. Stone fair warning before dashing off to the rescue."
Sandra turned on her comm. "You don't have to rub it in, Henry."
"At any rate, she contacted me- and the Professor- a moment ago. She wishes an audience with you. All of you."
"Terms?"
"Hmm. Let me see. Her exact words were: 'Yes, they can bring their damn guns, or whatever they want.' That seems a ringing endorsement."
"Thanks," Isaac said. "We'll be there as soon as we can."
"Just as you say." Standish hung up.
Isaac looked at them both. "And you were just going to go in, guns blazing?"
"Only slightly blazing," Liam said. "Just a theoretical blaze, really."
Sandra rubbed at her eyes. "Sorry. Good call, Isaac."
"More of a smoulder, even."
"Shut up, Liam."
"I hope you two can take care of yourselves for a while, too," Isaac said. He crossed his arms. "Because I have to be honest with you: After this is taken care of, I'm going away again."
They both looked at him.
"Wot?" Liam said.
The elevator glided silently upward, scrolling past floor after floor of closed doors.
"Look," Liam said. "I follow you. I get what you mean. I see where you're coming from. I'm picking up what you're laying down. I'm drinking what you're pouring." He paused. "And I still think the middle of a crisis is a bloody stupid time to go off pursuing higher education."
"I know. You said."
"We could all be dead by the time you got back. Thought of that, did you?"
"No, I hadn't. Thank you, Liam."
Liam sighed. "I just don't see why this couldn't wait a week or two, until we're either all dead-"
"Oh, well, when you put it that way-"
"-or, and this is the one I'm hoping for, nobody wants to slot us. Follow me?"
"Sure," Isaac said. "And I remember what you said to Sandra when I first met her."
"What? 'Please don't shoot me in the head'?"
"Ha. What you said was, basically, that things only worked for the two of you when someone wanted to sl- someone wanted to kill you. How's this going to change any time soon? Sandra, you remember that?" Isaac turned to her.
Liam cocked his head. "Love? You all right?"
Sandra was staring at the floor, one arm gripping the railing. "Fine," she said, through gritted teeth. "Hate elevators. Keep talking."
"All right," Liam said. "So you've got an argument. Sort of. Maybe. Is that why you're buggering off to the College just now?"
"No," Isaac said. "But I can't explain the rest. There's just this feeling I get. Like it's something I need to do."
"Feelings, is it? Well, as long as its something reasonable."
"Almighty hell, Liam. I'm going to be gone for, like, a day. I'm not sure if I should be flattered, annoyed, or creeped out that this bothers you so much."
The elevator stopped with a jerk.
Sandra got off, followed by Liam and Isaac. She stood in the corridor for a moment, one hand on the wall, breathing deeply. Then she shook herself, like a dog shaking off rain, and stood up straight.
From behind her, Liam said: "Sandra, love? Ready to do this?"
She touched the pistols holstered beneath her jacket; a nervous gesture, like checking a watch. Breathe in. Breathe out.
"Yes," she said. She flexed her fingers. She could see the two bodyguards at the end of the hall, standing to either side of double doors. She grinned without humor. "Put your faces on, boys. It's time to go be scary people."
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"Quit this world, quit the next world, quit quitting!" -Sufi proverb.
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Take Me Back to the Garden of Love - 14
