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Testing
“So, have you told her yet?”
“No, I’m still working out how—haven’t found a time that’s felt right.”
“And ya’ll went in last month…”
“Yeah, she’ll ask about it soon, maybe… I’m surprised she hasn’t asked already. I think she might be avoiding it.”
“Possibly.”
“Yeah. I’m avoiding it too.”
“Mhm hmm. What was the percentage?”
“33. She might as well be my cousin.”
“It’s that bad?”
“Yeah. I have no idea how we got together. The smell’s supposed to tip you off.”
“Really…”
“She always smelled fine to me.”
“It seemed like ya’ll were doing fine—are doing fine.”
“I guess.”
“What’s her Index, if you don’t mind me—”
“64. I’m a 68. That’s just Physical though.”
“And what about the Emotional?”
“I’m a 75. She never took the test.”
“How’d she get out of that?”
“Good liar I suppose. She opted out in high school. She just tells everyone she’s a 60.”
“Do you care to know?”
“Not really. I’m still skeptical of that part of it.”
“It served you well.”
“Yeah. It did… what’re you?”
“61 Physical. 82 Emotional.”
“I wouldn’t have guessed.”
“No?”
“I pegged you for a 65.”
“That’s flattering. Unfortunately, that part of it doesn’t leave anything to the imagination. My dad’s probably up there, but my grandfather was short and thin.”
“Asshole.”
“Ha, yeah.”
“Have you ever gone in for the ISCT* with anyone?”
“No.”
“Do you believe in it?”
“Well, that part of it’s pretty sound too—but there are some things I’d rather not know, especially if I um… if I love someone…”
“…
…Ugh. I don’t know man. I have to think about these things. I have to think about my future.”
“Sure you do. So what do you do now?”
“I’m supposed to be scouting for at least a 70… Physical, Emotional 84.”
“Thinking in numbers—”
“I don’t know how she’s going to react. I have to think about these things.”
“Thinking in numbers—”
“Shut up.”
“Sorry, it’s bizarre to me.”
“It’s hard science…”
“The science isn’t what’s bizarre.”
“Not only would my kids do better. Whoever I pick… our chemistry would be better.”
“That’s what they say.”
“Listen. If you’re going to sit there and judge me I can go talk to someone else.”
“I’m not judging you. I get it—the whole system. I believe in it, but I choose not to participate.”
“You participated in the index…”
“I had to. You know what they did to people who didn’t.”
“Well we’re in college now. You don’t have to expose your scores. No-one’s gonna beat you up.”
“You asked me.”
“Unh huh.”
“We just have different opinions on it, that’s all. Listen, I’m here to help you.”
“Well…
Hmm…
Well, I don’t know what to do. I don’t have much of a heart. You know this. I’ve been looking at other girls anyway. All this test did was vindicate me—and Cassie was totally complicit in the whole thing. She has to understand it.”
“You’re just going to leave her?”
“I don’t know. Right now I’m thinking yes.”
“Wow…”
“Kate at the coffee shop is a 70. She’s been flirting with me like crazy. I’m going to ask her what her Emotional Index is.”
“…”
“I need to play the field. I’ve been wanting to… I don’t even know that I can say I love Cassie.”
“…”
“She loves me… I’m pretty sure. I’m pretty sure… even in a traditional sense it isn’t fair to her—or me.”
“Wow…”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“What?”
“Ugh…It’s just like on TV. I hear people talking like you do. It creeps me out… all that weird-ass jargon. ‘She’s a 70. She’s a 90. We’re a 77% match.’ Statistics. Statistics. ‘Our baby’s an 89 across the board. Oh joy!’ It just creeps me out.”
“You said you were here to help me.”
“Erm… yeah I did. I’m sorry Aaron. I need to learn when to shut up.”
“Yeah.”
“No, seriously, I do. I just can’t seem to get into it. That’s all. I dunno, maybe it would be better for you to talk to someone else. I don’t think I could ever understand it.”
“…
Nah, I get what you’re saying. It is weird. But it’s not going away. It’s the way things are going to be. I… I’m just trying to accept it. They make great promises…”
“They do.”
“They say that, I mean, they say that the formulas are a foundation for real love…
…
… and great sex.”
“…
I’ve got to pee.”
*Premise: (read if you want) To avoid confusion, this is a hypothetical setup based on some fairly new studies depicted in a documentary about the basis for human sexual attraction that premiered on the Discovery Channel shortly before Valentines Day. In the documentary it was determined that there are several important compatibility factors we use when choosing a mate(s). I won’t describe exactly what they are as the important ones should be implicit in the dialogue. ISCT stands for Immune System Compatibility Test and it’s based on a real test that’s not yet conducted for the public, which proves that chemicals released from our pores and glands in our skin can communicate the nature of our unique immune systems, i.e. the diseases, allergies, infections, etc. for which we have a special immunity, and those for which we haven’t. Ideally, among several other factors, we pair with people whose immune systems are the best compliments of our own, meaning they have built up immunities to the diseases that we haven’t and vice-versa, so that our children may have the most diverse and functional immune systems possible.
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Siredwinsantos@gmail.com
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Tony... Tony... Tony...
