Gillingham Marina 1975
by lippynelson (Member) - published: December 15, 2008
Word Count: 61 Word Bytes: 440 Viewed: 196 times
Category - Poetry
© Copyright by lippynelson

(2 votes)

Rating	Rated by

8	firstedition

8	jonpenny

You must login to vote

From the concrete quay
The oil-glazed ooze,
The revealed intestines of the sea
Quiver in my throat;
Loneliness
Like a fever reduces me,
I fade out,
The signal of my blood is weak;
The bare metallic masts clinking
In the hurried winds,
Only thinking
Of the empty infiniteness of the sea,
The same headache
Day upon day,
Close upon me.

Related Items

intensive farming

a dripping tap

barry x

project

on working in a plant potting factory 1991

The Black Cat 1988

a thought in a basement flat, tripoli, greece 1989

snowy adams road 1986

this then 1990

solitude 1990

More by lippynelson »

Comments

The following comments are for "Gillingham Marina 1975"
by lippynelson

kudos
i like this.
it reminds me of my older writings.
i wish i could still speak that way.

( Posted by: zimazima [Member] On: December 15, 2008 )

Intense
I like the intensity and the points within the poem, explains human life in its present state.

CR

( Posted by: NucleusFire [Member] On: December 15, 2008 )

response to 'I fade'
lippynelson,

i like this poem, but not all. the first two lines are really succinct. But then you lessen the length and thus, the disturbing images. and in doing so: expect me to create my own imagery. would like to see more detail for effect as that is so blaze as are the two worded lines which give rise to little... but there are the intense images that are propelling the POV. bring perhaps the weaker images to the forefront. how? define self against the sea in succinct tones. or at least address the balance of imbalance? [9-8]

firstedition

( Posted by: firstedition [Member] On: December 16, 2008 )

fade
Thank you for your helpful comments. I agree Firstedition it needs more and i feel it is unfininshed. I was trying to make a connection with the boredom and existential terror of childhood, which never really goes away.

( Posted by: lippynelson [Member] On: January 25, 2009 )

Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Login:
Password:

Staff Blogs: