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His dreams are dark, except
when they are too, too bright. Light
caves in, an avalanche of yellow,
white, blood-filtered red, the grey
of baked cloud wind. Dead concrete
reflects from up above, somehow sky
flipped, squint, for rock, day blue gone
elsewhere, somewhere, out of sight. Blue
hides from him, he hides from light.

His childhood church: but laced
with locker-room alleys, extra stairs,
circular towers from medieval games.
Still, though, the small room, there,
behind the lectern. Where children wait
to enter, singing. In his dream, though,
filled with late files, boxes, totem papers, notes
and scribbled lines. He is peppered with
a dream-laid need to search, to find...
what? What? Something buried in the pile.
The light breaks in. He runs. Clutches
a score; music sheets drip behind him,
rustling forests of reflection. He needs more
time. Runs short.

The garage is dark. Clean, easy, drab.
Seven stories of parking for working moms,
single uncles, dying dads who peel
the skin off one more day, squeal tires,
escape, as he makes his way around and up
to rooftop star-pecked cold clear night.
The music in his briefcase a light
weight. No great tome, no mound
of xerox compost to drag home. Just notes,
black freckles on a field of chaste, pure
snow. He lays down on the concrete,
rests his head on leather.
Back cold on stone, he knows
the weathermen said, "Hail." Doesn't care.
He waits for light to come, but
sings a short, soft prayer:

"There's no hiding place down there."

Cuddles up to asphalt, curls over on
the yellow line rubbed dim and gone
by daily tires. Tries to sleep before
the light finds him. Sings, falls,

"... hiding place. No hiding place."

The rock cries light, bleeds sun.
He wakes.

------
______________________________________________

I blog irregularly at TinkerX. I'm also on Twitter. @andyhavens, go figure.


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Comments

The following comments are for "Silent rock"
by andyhavens

Andy's "SILENT ROCK" & my not so silent comment...
OK, Andy, here comes my off the wall comment that I know you always dream and live for, for what is a poem without my unenlightened subjectivity upon it, eh?

I was born in Europe, but raised in Northern, Ca in Monterey Bay area...till one day after many life changes and college way behind me I came to the city of angels and the evil world of white collar work in a high-rise office building...and so it goes...regarding your poem, and it is about your poem, though you had no idea you wrote it for me and about me, well...

I used to work on the 8th floor of an office building on Wilshire Blvd. in L.A., one time a Marketing Director, and Advertising Account Executive for a small publishing company, right next to the Israeli Embassy, loads of fun getting to work some days walking through the protesters always hating the Jews next door...

There were days, because time was mine...I a single mom at the time, parked inside the other millions like me in between those blocks of cement parking
stone....and my time was my own, I did as I pleased in between clients, making money and things...many a time I would go up the stairwell, and go to the rooftop, look down over the city, Beverly Hills right 1 block down the way, and Fairfax Blvd, straight ahead...I felt like an angel looking over the entire thing, took my briefcase with me sometimes, (not kidding you, just like you metaphorical poem) and I would lay down flat on my back and let the sun shine in or the sometimes southern California raindrops fall on me...and I would dream and rest and meditate and refresh and think of all that I had lived and would allow the weight of it all to lift away let it all go far off that other way...

Then I would come back to work, back to the cigarettes and coffee (they eventually changed the law and we could no longer smoke in our offices or stairwells in L.A. anywhere)...and I would get on that phone talk to some CEO bypassing their marketing department always, my style, the CHUTZPAH of it all seems crazy now, but somehow through it I managed to be successful and live there with all that insanity around me and work there and raise kids there, till I realized I wanted something better for my son, so I moved to upstate New York to a small town (after researching best and least expensive places to live with some beauty in New York)...

Did the right thing...

I think those moments on the roof on my back FREE and thinking and meditating and all that I did to keep my sanity and continue to live without any support except for a few who where there on occasion but never consistently...

Yeah, your poem no matter what it means to you and I read many things of what it means to you, it meant and SPOKE to me perfectly as if you had glimpsed into my life that time back in that space...

Twilight zone or is it just the human thing, the white collar thing, the growing older thing, the dream thing, the responsibility of life thing and kids and bills and whatever thing that connects us as humans and this poem is to me MINE, or because there is no real me, it is universal and timeless in how it reaches out beyond you to me, for (here is the trippeeee pot talk quantum M-theory thing, beware...hehehe)...you are me and I am you and we are all ONE TOGETHER.....right now, for there is only the now, one time, all time...no here, no there, just now, just here.

OK, Andy, leaving you now, and thank you for this, I enjoyed it and lived it and read it as my artist eyes and my artist heart feels it, to me I read in three dimensional and parallel universes...but got to go, I have an appointment back down on earth now.

Great journey, it was my pleasure, thank you again for sharing and come back again....love your work, or haven't you noticed. Does it matter? No it doesn't. Validation stands alone.

Blessings and namaste,
Happy Thanksgiving!

Lena

( Posted by: TheRealKarmaTseringLhamo [Admin] On: November 25, 2008 )

Lena...
Lena: Yes.

( Posted by: andyhavens [Member] On: November 25, 2008 )

ANDY.... oh, YES!
My pleasure....and goodnight;-) My husband, and much family and friends are here, time for me to retreat to my chambers of sleep, to all a goodnight and to all at lit.org GOOD cheers!

Enjoy and be thankful...life is beautiful and everyone of you are the lucky ones.

Namaste,
Lena

( Posted by: TheRealKarmaTseringLhamo [Admin] On: November 26, 2008 )

AndyHavens...I am not as scary and dangerous as I sound, ignore the rumors, thank you
Yes, AndyHavens...I am not as scary and dangerous as I sound, ignore the rumors about the stalking, thank you;-)


More, please, thank you;-) Hope you had a Happy Loving Thanksgiving...now I await more Andy Havens writing to be thankful for...this one was really special to me...well, I am obvious and more than obnoxious, but don't let my over enthusiasm stop you...Blessings;-)

Lena
(Namaste & Tashi Delek to you!)

( Posted by: TheRealKarmaTseringLhamo [Admin] On: November 30, 2008 )

Lena; thanks, and thanks
Had a lovely Thanksgiving with the family.

Enthusiasm is always appreciated. In fact, your comment on this piece gave me a very pleasant, warm, slap-upside-the-head. I'll explain...

For me, this isn't a happy piece. It's about failure and depression. The folk/spiritual ballad referenced contains the lines:

There's no hiding place down there.
No hiding place down there.
I went to the rock to hide my face
The rock cried out, "No hiding place!
There's no hiding place down there."

So, a "silent rock" would be a situation in which even the admonition of the rock has been removed.

Anyway... without a whole lot more self referential explanation, just take it as given that this is a dark piece and is about, for me, the failure to find comfort or wisdom in certain social constructs.

Upon reading *your* reading of it, however, I was deeply and pleasantly reminded that life is...

beautiful.

Regardless of my mental state, the ability of my words to bring you a happy memory gave me good hope for that day (and right now, actually). My hope is that what I write, even if it is dark, can maybe bring some joy or ideas or interesting thoughts.

And your description of your roof-top experiences also reminded me that I, too, have had joy in parking garages. I've watched fireworks from them and associate them with a good job that I had when much younger.

So... thank you. For your enthusiasm and life and joy and spark.

Namaste, indeed.

- A

PS: I don't mind being stalked, as long as it's by interesting women bringing me gifts of food and toys ;-)

( Posted by: andyhavens [Member] On: November 30, 2008 )

Awesome, Andy! LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Thanks for telling me more about your poem and what it meant to you. Looking forward to more.

You made me smile with your comments and I love to laugh and smile, you've got a sense of humor besides being able to write awesome poetry, and yes, you took me on a beautiful ride...life is beautiful! Not enough laughter, never enough laughter;-) (now bring us some more beauty)

Namaste!
Lena

( Posted by: TheRealKarmaTseringLhamo [Admin] On: November 30, 2008 )

Dark
It always seems to be the dark places that inspires us even though we walk in the light, Andy. I have time to sigh but don't. I wait for waves to stir me up, otherwise I am a clam,calm enough I guess. With you all the way, including headaches. Later.

charlie.

( Posted by: williamhill [Member] On: November 30, 2008 )





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