hospital lines
by AuldMiseryGuts (Member) - published: November 20, 2008
Word Count: 182 Word Bytes: 1603 Viewed: 450 times
Category - Poetry
© Copyright by AuldMiseryGuts

(7 votes)

Rating	Rated by

10	Ariana

10	EchoMarm

10	johnjohndoe

10	jonpenny

10	MohammadJesusBe..

10	TheRealKarmaTse..

10	waelnawara

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It rains,
But with weakened resolve

Outside the terminal ward
They animate their cigarettes
With fire.

The nurses, armed
With sterile declaratives
Squeak me along
Long corridors

Fluorescing,
Bottomlessly.

I follow to where
Your sickness sits,
Perfecting itself

You are in your un-
conditional bed

I.V-ing a vacuous hubris
Your heart under
Blood’s low duress

And inhuman creeds
Populating your lungs

“I speak no English.
I speak no English.”

You do not recognise me.

Soon it will be winter
And the world will be
Compelled to wear white

A truculent pity will
Pull at our hearts

And we’ll gather our courage
Like storms

“Any day now.
Any day now.”

You do not recognise me.

I fold up my fingers
In to lapsed fists
Balling a dubious sorrow,
Plied slow

And making a note of
Your dazed
Vacancies
I walk back down the
Fluorescing throat

Leaving black rubber
Like scorch marks
Burning an
I-was-here.

In the car park the engine
Mulls over a difficult
Sum before starting

On the driver’s mirror
An anodyne Christ

Like a date-rape victim
Feeling no pain.

------
The human race, the only race I know where everybody loses.

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Comments

The following comments are for "hospital lines"
by AuldMiseryGuts

Shannon... of hospitals
Shannon,

It's funny; I just wrote a piece about recovery rooms. Will post it in the very near future. Anyhow, this spoke to me. I envisioned a plasticized hand placed upon a cushion of stringed love spun from death and chasmed voices coveting their final silo in the gray.

Thank you for this.

Best,
Ariana

( Posted by: Ariana [Member] On: November 21, 2008 )

hospitals
Great work. Captured the helpless and enevitable nature of that alien enviorn. Especially so for me being both that one in the bed and the one as impotent witness.How existential, a hospital. A place white robed priests armed with arcane knowledge speak to you in an unknown language. The translation we seek denied.Will they be okay?The answer 'Any day now!' Where is the grace?
Moved me . Thanks

( Posted by: jonpenny [Member] On: November 21, 2008 )

Shannon..."lines"

"Like a date-rape victim
Feeling no pain."

This ending is what PULLED me in by the gut!
Thank you for sharing again...
...by the way, Stuart is asking for serious critique, on his newest Orisha tale, Bad food Good food (or something like that)...asked Ogg and you to give him some since I consider you both excellent writers and critique able on story. Thanks;-)

ALL love,
Lena

( Posted by: TheRealKarmaTseringLhamo [Admin] On: November 21, 2008 )

thanking four, thanking all
a big thank you to everyone who commented and rated here, and on my other recent scribble. it is, as always, undeserved but appreciated...

sorry I haven't been/ won't be around to return the favour, but I think I quit. feeling tired and defeated and not keen on embarrassing myself with histrionic verbiage anymore... this too will probably pass. but until it does, thanks all and goodnight. síochán

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: November 22, 2008 )

The Light Will Remain ON Awaiting Your Return, Shannon.....
You have not embarrassed yourself, I am the one who constantly embarrasses myself, you do yourself proud, and all would give their right hand pen to be the gifted poet that you are, but you can't see that in what you are feeling now, yet, I know you know it will pass, let it ride, let it ride...you are not defeated, yes, it will pass.

You are so loved and needed by so many. This feeling, you know it is a curse of your gift, a double edge knife that tears at your heart sometimes, but let it ride, get rest, scream, turn it outward, stop turning towards your insides...turn that knife around and point it outwards at the world, at the hurt, at all of it that deserves it...

What are you quitting? No, there is nothing to quit. You take a break, go stare at a ceiling, go beat on a rock, go kick a tire, scream at the top of your lungs inside your car, or in the forest...then listen...feel the life all around you, feel the energy that is all around you, Shannon, the life...

You are a gift, a beautiful gift, and I know I am not the only one who feels this way, without your works, your soul bared and the beauty that you share...what will we do? What would any of us do without you? You are us and we are you, there is no separation...

Rest...let it ride, come back, this is your home, for writing for sharing, for being loved and appreciated for that gift, that very special gift of poetry and expression that I have never seen before except in the classics and others so beyond...indescribable, yet, just like all genius, it never recognizes itself, and that it you, you don't see what all else see in you...

You will return to open arms, always, here you are welcome, you have my number, you can talk, you can visit, you can have fun, don't forgot the Gogol Bordello, I'm counting on you for that...baby brother needs you, as much as we all do.

Blessings, and may the powers that be, be with you, I will wait until you return, I never give up on a good friend, never. I will never give up on you...blessings, and I will be here, awaiting your return;-) The Lit.Org lantern will remain on...for you, for YOU!

All love...
Your friend,
Lena

( Posted by: TheRealKarmaTseringLhamo [Admin] On: November 22, 2008 )

HUH???
What shannon youre gone!!! you're gone???
:(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

Theres not a word lena said that i wouldnt have....not to be rude...
But please come back............we are all waiting for you dear friend and poet
In my heart always.

( Posted by: Shaza89 [Member] On: March 8, 2009 )

*waving*
‘lo there, long time. thank you very kindly for taking the time to comment my hackneyed old efforts, it was a pleasant surprise to see they’d been looked up again. nice too, to check in on everyone and see how well they’re doing *waves*, ‘lo all…

that said- and try to contain your disappointment, world- I won’t be back any time soon. I’m not saying never, just not in the foreseeable future. I don’t have the confidence anymore. Lit.org is a high calibre site that’s going places, it does not need me and my and my own brand of functionally literate histrionics. ;) I don’t have anything of worth to offer or add so I just scribbled off in to the sunset. I do occasionally stop by to read, and I’ve spent some time here lately recovering older posts after computer crash, but aside from that, I’m afraid Lit remains a blissfully Shannon free zone.

All the love in the world and the best of luck though, to all of you. síochán.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: March 10, 2009 )

Waving
Shannon,
I have had a so-so day - read your post and now I'm having a terrible day.
Why you would think your work and comments are histrionics I'll just take as humorous. Your work and comments are amazing and has myself and, I'm sure, others shaking our heads and wondering at the lesser quality of our own work.
When I read the earlier post I said to myself - self, the guy needs some time. We writers will often do a nose dive into a meloncholy stew, now and again. We eventually climb out reeking of a learned and enlightened self loathing. ;) The Muse will often take pity and in a gesture of tender mercy allows something to be written that might even be good - by our own self-deluded standards. All that is true but - my friend what of those poor illiterati that cannot express the twisted nonsense in their own heads. They need us and every once and awhile one of us wretched scribes will get something published and the weak 'high' will last a bit - until the next backflip into the sullen soup.
Don't run off and don't quit writing. You are an incredible writer and your work is most certainly appreciated and honored. "I...", he said selfishly,"...have missed you!"
Bless you my friend.
Ken

( Posted by: jonpenny [Member] On: March 10, 2009 )

The King Has Left the Building
Shannon,

This is one of those poems of yours that had me... That's it, I guess, it just had me. And it had me, those few months ago when I first read it, feeling not capable of commenting beyond the "Oh, so very captivating" kind of thing- which it was and is.

So, now I've done it anyway, because I really just wanted to say: I am glad to see you're still breathing. It's a good thing for me to know.

No need to reply. I understand that you are somewhere, doing other things, and that is fine.

Take care.

~ John

( Posted by: Flonigus [Member] On: March 10, 2009 )

@ Shannon
Actually, one of the qualities of good writers is that they feel their work is, well, crap. The better one is, and the more one writes, the more critical one becomes.

I can't convince you to stay around, and definitely I won't beg you; but, when it comes to criticizing your own work, you are your WORST critic. Truly.

Give yourself a break, and keep doing what you do so well - writing. Let everyone else be the judge of how good it is.

Trust me -- when you write shit, I'll call it shit and tell you why I'm calling it shit. But, almost everything you do is brilliant.

Ochani

( Posted by: OchaniLele [Admin] On: March 11, 2009 )

oh i see.
not being on this side of the internet in a few months made me miss something.

and now i miss you.

( Posted by: ruina [Member] On: March 23, 2009 )

hospital lines
So this is why I can't find you anywhere on the website. How depressing. I really look forward to reading your poems. I love the way you write. If you can't write for yourself don't deprive us of your gift. You have a gift. Give it. Stephanie Millican, aka echomarm.

( Posted by: EchoMarm [Member] On: April 12, 2009 )

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