swingdressed
by AuldMiseryGuts (Member) - published: October 27, 2008
Word Count: 94 Word Bytes: 820 Viewed: 199 times
Category - Poetry
© Copyright by AuldMiseryGuts

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Trees take themselves
Too seriously
Wear winter like
Sunday suits

You’re in a plain
Black swing dress
Standing on tip-toe,
Eating an apple.

We didn’t know
That the clocks went back,
We stayed in bed so long

Now we pull
Through the park
Half dressed
Leaves lie at your feet in
Dropped stitches.

Dull done-to-
death day
Commits us to memory
Casts our
Shadows for us
Over-
killed on the fountain

You’re laughing at me,
Spinning
Clockwise in cotton

White widdershinning legs
Beneath black swing dress,

Standing on tip-toe
Eating an apple.

------
The human race, the only race I know where everybody loses.

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Comments

The following comments are for "swingdressed"
by AuldMiseryGuts

fabulous
Just fabulous. I would only change one word in this poem if it were mine. Instead of writing, "Wear winter like Sunday suits," which sounds like you are giving the trees a command, write, "Wearing winter like Sunday suits" to describe what they are wearing, not what you've commanded them to wear.

Does that make sense? Read it to yourself both ways, and let me know what you think and why.

Ochani Lele

( Posted by: OchaniLele [Admin] On: October 28, 2008 )

Shannon... of ambiance
Shannon,

A time-lapsing photographic memory. There's been a sensation of heat within each of your humanly editions that I've had the gratification of reading. Then, in the end, just wavelengths of light that continue in their journey beyond the spectrum.

Thank you for this.

Best,
Ariana

( Posted by: Ariana [Member] On: October 28, 2008 )

Serious Trees
"Trees take themselves too seriously" is the funniest thing I have read in a while...dont know if u intended that to be funny...but it sure as shit was...hahahahaha

The poem is astoundingly simple and sweet and beautiful...makes me wanna put on my black swing dress and eat an apple on my tippie-toes...

"Trees take themselves too seriously" hahahahaha

love ya...cheers

( Posted by: kilgoretrout [Member] On: October 28, 2008 )

Shannon's Tree's..
As you know, maybe you don't know, I am assuming since the whole world revolves around me, yes, I am assuming that you surely know what a TREE LOVER, HUGGER, border-line inappropriate at times....I love anything about and to do with trees, must be the old Wiccan/Pagan/Druid in me, eh? You have roots to that, hahhaha! That was a pun...get roots, trees, Druids, and your Irish. I am so funny.

Anyway, loved this piece, as Stuart said FABULOUS, except I think not a word need be changed sounded perfect to my ears, but Stuart has a different set of ears than mine. Thank God or we would all be hearing hearing the same things and there are some things that my beautiful friend Stuart hears I may not want to hear....and so on for many people I know and don't know, etc.

Thanks for this, awesome as usual, like Terence I LOVED the concept,"trees take themselves too seriously?"----YES, the certainly do and have every right to too. They are majestic, magnificent, beautiful and G-ds beauty art making at its natural G-d kind of way best.

Blessings and namaste!
Lena

( Posted by: TheRealKarmaTseringLhamo [Admin] On: October 28, 2008 )

Shannon's lovely day!
Love to see you write about a normal day in your life...you sound so happy and relaxed. Almost sounds wistful!

Hope you have many many more days like this.

Love ya,
Bea

( Posted by: Beatrice Boyle [Member] On: October 29, 2008 )

...
beautiful

( Posted by: JonnyT [Member] On: October 29, 2008 )

Shannon's incredible sight
I can just see you lying on your side under a tree writing this piece while adoring that beautiful swinging dress and the soul that inhabits it.

..."Trees take themselves
Too seriously
Wear winter like
Sunday suits..."

You never, ever cease to amaze me with the way you describe things. You have such a unique, lovely way of viewing things.

Thank you for the beautiful words
xoxo

( Posted by: TAMMYHENDRIX [Member] On: October 29, 2008 )

thanking seven
Ochani Lele, thank you, both for your kind words and your astute observation. I never would have picked up on that line had someone not pointed it out, but you're right "wear" is so imperative, and nothing in this scene should be. should merely be witnessed, savoured. advice duly noted and very much appreciated…

Ariana, thank you kindly, especially for “humanly”, which is a permanent aspiration…

Terence, actually, that is funny… thanks for appreciating comical aspect, and for laughing, which is always redemption, restorative, beautiful…

Lena, glad I could sing out to the pagan in you. I love getting back to nature, but Caroline, bless her, things Hyde Park is the countryside, and the trees there have delusions of grandeur ;)…

Bea, thanks grandma! this was a good day, and I hope there’ll be many more too…

JonnyT, thank you…

Tammy, once again, bless ye. Caroline IS a beautiful soul. she makes me happy… it’s been a while since I’ve felt that.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: October 29, 2008 )

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