solitude 1990
by lippynelson (Member) - published: October 8, 2008
Word Count: 49 Word Bytes: 330 Viewed: 211 times
Category - Poetry
© Copyright by lippynelson

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how many years through the forest of your solitude,
no sound save birds?
but i am here,
defunct machine of war-
you enter me and sniff-
damp- the history of your lust;
you spit-
the walls pursue your ringing animus,
the echo is a ruse,
pronounces you obtuse.

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Comments

The following comments are for "solitude 1990"
by lippynelson

Something
There's something enticing about this poem, though I can't put my finger on it. Could have done without "forest of your solitude" at the beginning, sounded cliche, but from the second line onward I felt compelled to read. Why? I don't know. The rhythm, perhaps, the structure, the wording. Excellent choices made in the last three lines . . .

( Posted by: viper9 [Member] On: October 9, 2008 )

Creepy
That was... unexpected. Of course, what lurks in the forest of our solitude is often anything but comforting... yet somehow, the first 2 lines led me expect a comfort. Instead, the poem provides this malign, sneering, ex-sexual presence. I find myself now thinking in terms of Tolkien...

Structure-wise, I found all the hyphens a bit distracting. Also, a poem this packed deserves a weightier title, I think? The solitude of the essentially-passive subject seems pretty secondary to the poem's evil 'I'.

( Posted by: MobiusSoul [Member] On: October 9, 2008 )

"the walls pursue your ringing animus"
worth the read for that line alone... funny, but felt like I recognised this, had a picture in mind of the derelict and deserted building to which poem's voice belonged…

well-rendered example of bitterness of abyss gazing back. nicely done.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: October 9, 2008 )

wordsmith
I like your poetry. It kind of blurs my borders. Nice!

( Posted by: RevelationResurrection [Member] On: October 30, 2008 )

solitude
Thank you for your kind comments. I wrote this in 1989, on a train journey between Waterloo and Godalming (Surrey, England), having been for a few drinks. I lost or disgarded it and did not have it written down for quite a while - but these things tender to linger in the mind and, having teased it out of my memory, I thought I would submit it. Incidentally, it is the only thing I ever wrote when not completely sobre.

( Posted by: lippynelson [Member] On: January 25, 2009 )

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