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As we drove down the streets of Riverside City
He turned to kiss my lips
And then he said,"Soft Lips"

Just then I thought,"Soft Lips"
As I spent those few seconds daydreaming
Dreaming of my soft lips
Of how he soulfully pressed his lips against mine
So willingly, So innocently
So intimately

Thoughts in my head drifting back to the first time our lips touched
The very first time or lips became one
When he leaned over to kiss my lips
So securely, So profoundly
So passionately

When he touched my lips
He touched them with deep emotion, with feeling,with love
Lusting over them like hot wax on a candle
Seducing every inch of these soft wet lips
The soft lips that were mine
And in turn belonged to him

For he is the one romantically, worshiping my lips with his kisses
Penetrating the warmth and pleasure of his lips, to the depths of my soft lips
From there I awake from a dream to the world of reality

Just then I thought,"Soft Lips"
For I am a woman of soft lips
Lips of Desire
Lips of Seduction
Lips of Pleasure
Lips of Softness

For I am that woman of sweet, soft lips
And ready to kiss.

Jennifer R. K

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The following comments are for ""Soft Lips""
by Carmel Brown66

Well I liked it. I don't have any problem with poems telling a story (I do it all the time), and I don't think you used the word 'lips' too much. :-)

But that's not to say I totally disagree with Jess: she does make good points. Rather than the word 'lips', I would say there's just too many words here: some of the phrasing is quite long, and doesn't quite have that poetic feel. I think that's also what Jess was picking up on.
(But far be it for me to say what is poetic. *grin*)

There are bits here that I *relly* liked, in amongst the wordy bits, there were some really great moments, where you say something really clearly - 'lusting over them like hot wax on a candle', for example, is an incredibly strong line.

The other bit that I liked was at the end: "Lips of Desire...", although I'm not sure about the use of the word 'seduction' - it didn't really seem to fit with the innocence and romance from the rest of the poem. The final stanza (with just the two lines) is also very good - you've got a fabulous ending with those two verses.

So overall, I do like it. It does need a few tweaks, but nothing too dramatic.
For now I give it a score of 7/10.

ps - hi Jess: good to see you posting comments; haven't seen you around much lately. :)

( Posted by: Spudley [Member] On: March 12, 2003 )

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