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7.5

(4 votes)


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Life is great.

I am invincible.

Everyone loves me.

"Give me another, make it a double!"



Never again.

What did I say? Who did I hurt?

I hate myself.

"The usual,Barman, I need to drown my sorrows."


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Comments

The following comments are for "From a drunk"
by heart afire

eight-point-five.
I think this is a very good poem. It has a strength and a depth that belies it's simplicity.
Just two small tweaks I would mention, both very small:
Firstly, I think it would flow better if line 2 started with "I'm" instead of "I am". Secondly, it needs a comma before as well as after "Barman" on the last line.
So a score 8/10. I was tempted to give 9, and I think I would have without those two small points. Think of it as an 8.5 :-)

( Posted by: Spudley [Member] On: March 12, 2003 )

Thanks
Thanks for the feedback. Well spotted on the grammar. I fixed that. You are right about the flow of line 2. However, I was trying to convey a sense of dramatic emphasis. I'm not sure if it worked though.
The average rating doesn't look too good (If you are superstitious that is):-)

( Posted by: heart afire [Member] On: March 14, 2003 )

nice!
uh, it seemed you get drunk often... but it is not such a bad thing, where else would you get the experience if you don't try things first?
what sorrows were YOU trying to drown eh?

( Posted by: man eating maniac [Member] On: April 3, 2003 )





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