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6.33

(3 votes)


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To sleep forever, undisturbed
To feel at peace, like I belong
To not be constantly perturbed
To have the choice to sing my song

Surrounded by the negatives
Ringed by cons but never pros
Sacked and burned by relatives
I crave the highs but visit lows

Intrinsically an optomist
Transformed by bickering and hate
With bended arm and twisted wrist
I stare with longing at the gate

The gate to freedom, happiness
Is ten feet tall and crowned with wire
But mired in mud and crappiness
I cannot climb, rejoice, inspire

This theme is tired, old and dead
Solutions fail to show themselves
I must be strong and clear my head
To further depths I dare not delve

Encouragement is what I lack
Belief and faith and spurring on
Remove the dagger from my back
And watch me check your queen with pawn



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Comments

The following comments are for "Checkmate"
by desconocida

not sure
Well, it's got a good strong rhythm, the rhyming works well, and it has a strong emotional current that pulls the reader along.
The trouble is, though, I'm just not sure I get what it's about. I've read through it several times now, and I still haven't worked out the message, beyond the basic emotion it gives off.
Possibly I need to read a few more times, but for now I give it a score 7.

( Posted by: Spudley [Member] On: March 8, 2003 )

comment
Hi, well I quite liked this one. my only shortcoming would be he first paragraph, I felt it was a bit out of sink with the rest.

( Posted by: c.lynagh [Member] On: March 9, 2003 )

mm lacks
this is pretty good except the last 2 paragraphs are kind of weak
the message is unclear

check a queen? i thought it was a king...

( Posted by: inyoureyes889 [Member] On: November 23, 2003 )





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