Department store
by windchime (Member) - published: February 1, 2008
Word Count: 58 Word Bytes: 452 Viewed: 391 times
Category - Poetry
© Copyright by windchime

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She wheeled her battery-powered chair
right up close
to the jewellery counter
& her amorphous body,
her trembling hands,
leaned
towards the gold filigree cross
resting on the showcase velvet.
She drooled
& made a wet noise in her throat
but
her caregiver was out of earshot
and
the sales clerk frantically looked
for someone non-disabled
to serve.

------
Of all known institutions, I attend only two: church, in my heart, and school, in yours. Both are subject to demolition. - Lucie Adams, 2007
It is only for poetry to know how many stanzas fit into one caress. - Lucie Adams, 2008

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Comments

The following comments are for "Department store"
by windchime

yes
think we've all seen this, worse, have all to some extent accepted this as just-the-way-it-is...

how wrong on every level, that is. thank you for the stark, unadorned truth of this.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: February 3, 2008 )

Thanking 2 people
Pen, indeed, we, all of us, are who we are, and continue to be, even if/when/after our bodies repel the "beautiful" people. I wanted, with this poem, a "here, reader, take that" effect.

Shannon, yes, it's truth. And truth weighs heavier in the balance than reality, IMO.

Thank you both for catching the vibe of this. If anyone else stops by, could I maybe receive some feedback on my linebreaks?

Lucie

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: February 3, 2008 )

gurgle
i hate that gurgling sound..very human this is i feel much worse for the clerk though...the living need much more pity and are much more pitiful than the dying or so ive learned ...thanks windy

( Posted by: kilgoretrout [Member] On: February 3, 2008 )

Pen, Terence, Francisco
Pen, thank you for returning and for acceding to my wish for further feedback. I thought I'd chosen the word "leaned" with great care for utmost impact rather than lesser impact, and for two reasons:
one, the lady in the chair had a great deal of trouble "leaning" and
two, I have seen great impact from the movement associated with leaning, for example, in Leonard Cohen's famous song, "Suzanne", we hear:
"...there are heroes in the seaweed,
there are children in the mornings,
they are leaning out for love,
they will lean that way forever
while Suzanne holds the mirror..."
Perhaps you can suggest a synonym that might replace "leaning" and impact maybe on a phonic level (you're good with alliterations...)or if not, then should "leaned" go behind the comma on the previous line, or before "towards" in the following line?

Terence, there is no "greater" and "lesser" humanity, despite appearances, and perhaps, yes, the lady in the chair pitied the clerk who fretted...

Francisco, all this shows is an everyday scene, unadorned, naked as truth. What it tells is that the disabled are still very much outclassed, as it were, by the able-bodied...

Thank you for reading and appreciating.

Lucie

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: February 4, 2008 )

windchime's lines...
Lucie,
Perhaps, line five down to line seven:

& her amorphous body
leaned
towards the gold filegree cross
her trembling hands
resting on showcase velvet.

Just a suggestion..

Another fine microcosmic offering..

B

( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: February 4, 2008 )

Lucie
Just read for fourth time. It's better how you penned it. Was thinking it was her body, not her hands leaning..but then after reading a few moretimes , I got it..and it was cross, not 'trembling hands', resting on counter...

My brain has not fully recovered from Super Bowl Sunday...

B

( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: February 4, 2008 )

Dept. Store
This reminded me of my years as a jewelry clerk in a department store...A young mother brought her severely retarded baby girl to have her ears pierced...At first I tried to talk mother out of it (didn't want to be responsible for such a small babe) but she was determined ...The baby never even cried...and the mother brought her in to see me several times after that...

I was always interested in sign language and took several courses .... was able to help deaf customers ...

Your poem left me with tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat...I know how many people treat the handicapped...as my niece was born with brain damage...This needed to be said...and you do it so well...Kacee

( Posted by: nitz kitty [Member] On: February 4, 2008 )

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