Kansas from train window
by windchime (Member) - published: December 8, 2005
Word Count: 88 Word Bytes: 632 Viewed: 1588 times
Category - Poetry
© Copyright by windchime

8.33

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Road
and you must travel winter
with love left over
from heartbeats stopped -
I have died
sooner than the storm-struck tree,
and lie on my side,
bones askew.
No one removes me.
I am litter,
blank statue
not inscribed for posterity.
You still know
how to green
from tears running
black
down
dessicated river beds.
You know how to green
yet you do not grow.
I
learn how to blue
from ambient air
in daylight hours.
I know how to blue
yet I do not cry.

------
Of all known institutions, I attend only two: church, in my heart, and school, in yours. Both are subject to demolition. - Lucie Adams, 2007
It is only for poetry to know how many stanzas fit into one caress. - Lucie Adams, 2008

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Comments

The following comments are for "Kansas from train window"
by windchime

windchime/Numb in knowing
Lucie- Levels. You know how I feel about them.

Believe it's: 'desiccated'..if 'dry' was intent.

Really like: "green/grow" and "blue/cry" lines...

Entertaining read,
Robert William

( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: December 8, 2005 )

uh-oh...spelling
Thank you, Bobby, for making the correction. I will fix it in my copy.

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: December 8, 2005 )

mellow
mellow was the emotions flared to grow and cry no i am not scared, to live learn and love.
beautifully written. peaceful yet informative.
three snaps and a whistle!
I look forward to reading your work, it's different. yet familiar.

( Posted by: LMJ [Member] On: December 9, 2005 )

From a train's window
Oh Lucie, what an awesome thing to be able to see you here. I love being able to open lit up and find your majestic words here. God knows I have missed them and you. Beautiful write Lucie.

Nae ;0)

( Posted by: nae411 [Member] On: December 9, 2005 )

Kansas Train
Hi Lucie,

I've never been to Kansas, but I certainly have seen what you have described and share you sentiment. What lovely prose...thanks so much!

( Posted by: eleda [Member] On: December 9, 2005 )

Bobby,LMJ,Nae, eleda
Thank you all for stopping by here.

Bobby, tell me again how you feel about levels. I need to hear it.I am breathing a sigh of relief right now because you approve of me "verbing" the (colour) adjectives. Thanks for this approval.

LaShea, welcome to this place! And me too, I'm looking for your poetry. I quite enjoy what I've seen so far. You got "not scared". Thanks for getting this!

Nae, Poet, it feels good to be back, and to know you still come here too. But wait a minute...I'm YOUR fan (scratches head)!

adele, Yay! My descriptions work! Thank you!

Lucie

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: December 9, 2005 )

In the Way of Love Left Over
Lucie ~ What a wonderfully strong opening to a rather strangely compelling poem. I lingered over your first three lines and then came back and re-read them several times, again, later. "with love left over" grabbed me. Contrasted against your one-word first line and the brisk bluntness it invokes, I think those early lines work very well to express the whole heart of your poem.

I like your first color-verb green, especially the way it plays off "storm-struck tree". Its usage seems absolutely fitting within the language of this poem, and intuitively makes sense to me.

But then I'm having a little bit of trouble with blue. I think I can look at that word sideways, squinch my eyes and catch your gist -- the bones, appearantly going nowhere, slowly dissipate, molecule by molecule, into the environment, becoming a part of an everything as complete yet nameless as the overarching sky. I like the way this color-verbing speaks to "love left over". The bones on the road and the storm-struck tree palpably evoke a sense of sudden-stop; the blueing and the greening imply subtle transitions occurring just outside the frame of the poem, while your abrupt road sweeps inscrutably between the two. And I think that's exactly the way love left over feels.

Still, I find myself searching for a word near but seperate from "blue". What would happen, do you think, if it were something like "shimmer" instead? A word which could imply leeching and the kind of movement which is there and yet a trick of the eyes, simultaneously? Or does that become unworkable because shimmer's not a color?

And your very last verb, cry, feels weakened, to an extent because it's been used earlier in the poem. Is there another short, terse verb which could imply cathartic protest? Rustle, sigh, etc?

You really have a vivid knack, Lucie, for conjuring what feels like archetypal snapshots. I think every writer works toward culling timeless sentiments from immediately recognizable material. There are times when you do this with your poetry with such ease it mystifies me.

This is really lovely work.

( Posted by: hazelfaern [Member] On: December 9, 2005 )

Storm-struck and striking
I'm hesitant to comment, as often on your work, because I fear there's yet one more level lurking in there which I've failed to understand.

But this reads to me like a perfect silkscreen painting, minimal in palette and rich in eloquence. Folowing Hazel's comment above, I'd add that the final two lines just seem a fraction weaker than the rest (to me, the poem would stand more painterly without them). But I wouldn't presume to mess with the way you've constructed it, because I'm sure you meant to!

Reading a number of your poems, I get the sense of being 'in nature', so much that I'm positively part of the fields and rivers and storm-struck trees. Stranded in this city, that's a rather wonderful thing...

( Posted by: MobiusSoul [Member] On: December 9, 2005 )

Train windows, colors and christmas
I love your poetry on first level first. More levels hit me later.- Like this one- This is a beautiful evocation. Traveling and colors are really what we do remember from all 'trips'.
I made mention in a recent response to my best wishes for you, Lucie, and mentioned how I couldn't spell o-pwa-tech-, but would love to share with you! Merry Christmas.

( Posted by: emaks [Member] On: December 10, 2005 )

Colors and Hazelfaern
I read from somewhere that if you're good at remembering colors from things or places, you must be having a good sense of direction.

Now, about this poem, appreciation of your works is a diversion for me, there never had a single sitting for me, reading them. May I say that, all through those months (a year) that I am reading you, I also love finding whatever Hazelfaern would have to say about them... always make this diversion a real jolly/worthwhile treat. So thank you to both of you.

( Posted by: peterpaulino [Member] On: December 10, 2005 )

I Aint Never Scared ...
You are in for a ride, my sweet wind that chimes underneath the wings of all that flies freely and gayly about the world chirpping and whispering into quietly listening ears.
this website and the poeple with in makes my heart glad and my spirit seeks you all out, my mind is in provocation to my work there is no limitation and I in turn feel as free as you do!
A warm and sincere welcome you all have given to me. thank you Lucie, Thank You. La'Shea

( Posted by: LMJ [Member] On: December 10, 2005 )

So much response!
Jennifer! You're so accurate in what you pick up on...I'm rewriting this. I won't unpost it, I never unpost anything, but I'm touching it up now. I'm not saying I'll take out the blue altogether, but the final "cry" will definitely go. You're always so articulate and elaborate in your comments. I truly appreciate the time you take. If you think it's easy for me to conjure up archetypes, then it's just as easy for you to provide intelligent, well organized comments. I so wish I could return this favour. I've gone to the hate him/her/her too/him too poems several times now, and can't organize my ideas at all around any of it. You and Andy are such thinkers!!!

Caitlin, now I'm definitely reworking the ending of this. I like your insights: time for me to mess with my work. Yes, Nature does inform a lot of my poetry. I don't know what city you live in, but I know what you mean. Trust me. My northwest view, for example, is on a parking lot full of schoolbuses...So I compensate. Or overcompensate, I don't know.

Elizabeth, I sent you a PM, but here, break off a piece of my *virtual* oplatek, in spirit if not in fact, and take with it my best wishes...(Kansas was so "beige"!)

Peter, thanks for stopping by. I'm sure you'll come back. Where is your newest?

La'Shea, keep posting your poetry! You have a distinct voice which should be heard.

Thanks everyone!

Lucie

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: December 10, 2005 )

Dessicated River Beds
Lucie;
This is awesome! I'm speechless... I better take hold of my seat, you will have us on an emotional rollercoaster that makes the traditional folks proud...

Blessings,
{{{Jeannie}}}

( Posted by: JEANNIE45 [Member] On: December 12, 2005 )

Lucie I absolutely...
...loved this piece. Every time i read it I discovered more and more about it that i loved. I could feel the green and the blue, and every description put me right next to you on the train, looking out the window at the kansas landscape as it speeds by our eyes.

( Posted by: CJHerlihy [Member] On: December 14, 2005 )

Ridin' That Train
All aboard!! I am awestruck by this train ride. I haven't been to Kansas until this piece and the flavor somehow reminds me of Arkansas; right across the Mississippi River from Memphis. Welcome back to your lit home.

Always,
Char

( Posted by: Char [Member] On: December 17, 2005 )

Cry
Unless I've missed the meaning altogether the cry is not redundant nor in the same context, leave it. Nice work by the way. I say nail it the way it stands, unchanged.........Romay....I would never try and tell Rembrandt how to paint, just my opinion.

( Posted by: Charmr [Member] On: December 19, 2005 )

Jeannie,Carol,Char,Charmr
Thank you allfor stopping by the speeding train...

Jeannie, whoever reads my poems and comes out speaking "emotion", maked me very happy: means the poem is successful!

Carol, It's nice to se you back here again. Hope you stay. I intend to! Your comment is important, because bringing the colours close was indeed my intention. I'm happy it works for you.

Char, I did, at one point, sit on the banks of the Mississippi while in Memphis, and look across. Is that Arkansas? Really? And it looks like Kansas? Gotta go, then. Because it looks like it might be good for poetry LOL

Romay, your vote of confidence means a lot. I've been tinkering with this one, but maybe I'll leave it alone for a bit...

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: December 19, 2005 )

echoes
Windchime! I find this poem incredibly resonant; I'm almost angry that I didn't write some of it myself. The hard slap of the first word "road" all by itself and then the almost zen koan expression of "you must travel winter, with love left over". The powerful image of one, nearly a carcas, on her side abandoned. And the words, "I am litter" arrives just in time as the final echo of the previous "left over" dissipates. The "green/grow" "blue/cry" is only challenged if I think too much upon it. If I don't think about it (and unlike others it seems I rarely read to think) it's utter magic.

( Posted by: wrdekle [Member] On: January 14, 2006 )

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