A Feeling
by Rogue_Untouchable (Member) - published: June 30, 2002
Word Count: 135 Word Bytes: 715 Viewed: 571 times
Category - Poetry
© Copyright by Rogue_Untouchable

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Love is a feeling that I have when I see you
When you pass me by
When I see your eyes
That is the reason I hunger for you
For your touch at night
For your sensuality
You are the reason I live
You are the light which burns with my love
And for that you are my only love
A love which will shine to the stars above
And live forever in heavenly love
For this I am grateful that you do exist
For without you I am but a lonely centerpiece
I thank you by saying you are the light of my eyes
You help me forget the fears of life
I love you forever as I always will
For you are my life
And I am yours
Together in heart and soul

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Comments

The following comments are for "A Feeling"
by Rogue_Untouchable

*S*
I really liked this. The feeling and emotion was very evident.

I would look at the repetition of 'Love', a little, though. possibly a bit much(?)...

Anyway, nice job!

--Jasmine

( Posted by: Jasmine [Member] On: July 2, 2002 )

Show, don't tell
This actually isn't a bad effort, but I think you should try to show this same situation visually and with word choices rather than just saying "you are the light which burns with my love," try making "light" a metaphor for the lover and go with that to convey the emotion.
Nevertheless, this is a good effort. Keep writing!

Susan

( Posted by: susanb55 [Member] On: October 25, 2003 )

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