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One step, two steps, three steps...

He was counting her steps, but why? Surely she would think him a freak for this, but she would never know. The shortest distance between two points is a straight line. The longest distance between him and his love was the same.

As she walked along, oblivious to his affection, her beautiful hair tied back with a ribbon would whip up and down. He could swear those hazel strands were beckoning him to approach. "Come closer!" they would cry. But he would not be fooled. The hair and the girl each had a mind to their own.

She turned her gaze from side to side. What was she looking for? "Perhaps for me", the boy would often think. He knew that this was not the case.

On rare occasions he would pass by her. No, she would pass by him, for she was the only one in motion to him. He would hope inside for his eyes to meet hers, but hope proved the bane of his existence. The look was never returned.

"I've always wanted to tell you this, but I've been in love with you for quite some time. It took a while to gather the courage, but I am now able to say it! I love you!"

She stared at him blankly.

"I really do. Truly, I love you."

Her stare was insufferable.

"I just wanted to say it. I needed to say it."

She disappeared. Everything disappeared. Without her, what would sustain his world? Nothing.

He woke up. The comfort of his bed. A beautiful song on repeat. Memories of words spoken; yet they remain unspoken.

Out of his bed, back into the world. Back into her world...

------
A kind word that is honest and heartfelt can go a long way...


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Comments

The following comments are for "Hopeless Affection"
by Siertes

Affected
Nice delivery. Good dialog, which is much needed in flash. What is lacking is wackiness, stress, shock factor. I think flash is a perfect receptacle for these.

( Posted by: Teflon [Member] On: October 14, 2004 )

Not a waste of time
Your subject matter is something people understand and the storyline is good. I'd like to see the tension cranked up a bit.

The step counting and swishing, beckoning hair are great images of obsession which seemed to set a tone at the beginning, a tone which faded a bit by the end. -Philo

( Posted by: Philo [Member] On: October 15, 2004 )

Thanks for the comments...
It's nice to know what people expect from flash fiction. I never really knew since I didn't even know flash fiction existed till I joined the site.

I just might try more of this flash fiction stuff in the future. Again, thanks!

( Posted by: Siertes [Member] On: October 16, 2004 )

Sssss...
Siertes! I liked the emotion you packed into this baby, and in such a small amount of space. What I would've liked was, as was previously mentioned, an injection of funk. Like I said, the piece has emotion, but it lacks the sting that really leaves you breathless. Well done, just the same.

-SD

( Posted by: strangedaze [Member] On: October 16, 2004 )





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