8
(2 votes)
| Rating | Rated by |  | | 8 | Unknown | | | | 8 | Unknown | |
You must login to vote
|
|
|
This is an article I wrote in reaction to a famous news story of a couple of months ago. Hope it doesn't offend anyone - it's intended to be a bit of fun and hopefully a bit informative as well.
Politics and world affairs can be turned on its head by the smallest of things. The other day a slightly larger size of snack may have caused Iraq and Afghanistan to join the American war on pretzels. India and Pakistan would have set aside their differences to join in the persecution of salt covered nibbles the world over. There would be no point hiding in a ‘sophisticated system’ of foil wrappers: world opinion would have turned against the humble party snack. We may even have seen fit to call this silent assassin an Osama-bin-Laden plant. American supermarkets would have had to protect their pretzel aisles from revenge hits. Would be Jack Ruby’s the nation over would be blowing the brains out of family sized packs of nibbles. Alas the pretzel did no lasting damage. Dubya escaped with bruising to his face and a dent in his huge ego. It is interesting, however, to look at what a hazardous job the presidency can be.
Everyone, of course, is familiar with the death of Camelot on that sunny Dallas day. Lincoln went the same way as JFK: shot by an aggrieved southerner on a visit to the theatre. In 1881 James A Garfield also shuffled off this mortal coil at the hands of an assassin. Charles Guitea, who was miffed that Garfield had not seen fit to give him a job in the new administration, shot him on a railway platform. That sort of political climate might have made Scotland’s new First Minister think twice before the ‘night of the long knives.’ In 1901 an anarchist helped elevate Teddy Roosevelt (who later cheated an assassin himself) to the presidency when he shot the incumbent William McKinley. Although he clung on to life for six days McKinley eventually lost his battle against the assassin’s bullet on the 12th of April.
Warren Harding suffered a heart attack in 1923 and died in a hotel in San Francisco. At first the nation mourned the loss of a great leader but his legacy was soon tarred by allegations of corruption and by the news that his sexual proclivities did not live up to the moral standards of the era. Franklin Roosevelt, of course, also died whilst still in office suffering a cerebral haemorrhage after a lifetime of ailments. FDR had at least had a good innings in the job (only death would have made him give up the Oval Office) which is more than some others can claim.
William Henry Harrison holds the record for the shortest period in office. After making a particularly long speech on a rainy, chilly inauguration day Harrison caught a cold. As he tried to sort out his administration his energy gradually deserted him. After only a month in the White House Harrison died of pneumonia. One of the most bizarre deaths befell Zachary Taylor. After attending a rally on a hot summer’s day he returned to the White House and tried to cool down with lashings of water and milk and improbable amounts of fruit, cabbage and cucumbers. The result of all this diet intended, one wag pointed out for ‘four footed animals and not Bipeds’ was an acute case of gastro-enteritis. Some have pedalled conspiracy theories involving mortal foes and poison (in America conspiracy theories are mandatory because it makes the film scripts easier to write). In reality, however, when Taylor died five days later he was merely a victim of the poor food hygiene of the time.
Ronald Regan, you may remember managed to survive an assisination attempt but then risked a nuclear holocaust by failing to check if his microphone was switched on. Daddy Bush was constantly trying to prove how fit he was for his age (the nation needed reassurance that they weren’t going to be landed with Dan Quayle) but then defied that image by throwing up over a bemused Japanese dinner guest. Clinton seemed to survive his eight years with his health and his unhealthy appetites still intact. Nixon, of course, refused to do the honourable thing and stayed alive when most would have died of shame. Clearly though this is not a job to be taken lightly: even the humble pretzel or the lowly cabbage can present mortal danger. Who, then, would accept such a poisoned chalice? Only an idiot? Just ask Dubya.
|
