Beautiful Towers
by Beautiful Disaster (Member) - published: June 12, 2004
Word Count: 119 Word Bytes: 774 Viewed: 463 times
Category - Poetry
© Copyright by Beautiful Disaster

(1 votes)

Rating	Rated by

6	windchime

You must login to vote

I'm the last thing you want
Someone to run around screaming
To tear down your beautiful tower

I'm the last thing you need
A girl lost in her own skin
To tear down your beautiful tower
You're so solid
So set in your strength
And I'm so fragile
So concerned with building a tower for you

I'm the last thing you want
A bull in a china shop
Tearing down your beautiful tower
You're so inventive
You build with diamonds and pearls
And I'm so plain
I build an ugly brick tower for you

I'm the last thing you want
An uninspiring muse
I could never live up to your beautiful tower
Because my tower was built around you

------
Define yourself or someone else will.

Related Items

Wall Street

Easy

I'm Looking Forward

My Love

The Right Words

If I Don't, I Might Die

Can You Tell Me This?

Don't Get Me Wrong

Make-Believe Love

I Hate the Sound

More by Beautiful Disaster »

Comments

The following comments are for "Beautiful Towers"
by Beautiful Disaster

no..
punucation makes me not like it because i need it to judge the pacing of it.

( Posted by: ryangilr0y [Member] On: March 26, 2005 )

"punucation"
I guess what you're saying is that adding in punctuation would assist you in getting the flow or rhythm of the piece. I would like to clarify, however, that since the poem has such a steady beat to it, punctuation isn't really necessary and I tend to think it detracts from the artistic flow and the visual of the piece. If you could explain how I can add "punucation" to my piece, I'd like to know!

( Posted by: Beautiful Disaster [Member] On: March 27, 2005 )

Beautiful Towers,
Kirsten........if you don't mind me saying this, Poetry does NOT have to have "proper" punctuation at all......so often free verse is flowing and the author uses the line breaks, l1, l2, l3, to make pauses,,,,,,,as I noticed you have done here.
I like your writing and find it all easy to read.
Your subject matters are also diverse making you an interesting person to follow in Lit.
As an artist you are painting pictures for us with your words, do not let anyone tell you how long of a stroke to use, what color, direction, linear controls, etc to use. Keep writing as you have done.
The problem I have with this one, is that if you step outside yourself and read it as someone else, your message is repeated, but you need support to really emphasize what you want us to know.
Perhaps more visualization. Bring me some emotion ...beef it up... you have a wonderful ability to think of great messages.....just give it that extra punch as I KNOW you can do.
I read self sorrow, low esteem, instead of WHY you feel so, and compare yourself to this person...what makes them so much more than you?

"I could never live up to your beautiful tower
Because my tower was built around you" Why?

Hope you keep on posting, Beautiful Disaster, I am looking forward to the ideas you come up with.
nicely done!
Darlene ;)

( Posted by: Dareva [Member] On: March 27, 2005 )

Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Login:
Password:

Staff Blogs: