Before a dream
by wrdekle (Member) - published: June 3, 2004
Word Count: 105 Word Bytes: 625 Viewed: 977 times
Category - Poetry
© Copyright by wrdekle

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Years ago before a dream consumed you
You went to sleep swimming and awoke each morning on a different shore
Now you live in two worlds separated so
the journey between them can only be crossed by ritual
These days you go to sleep working
And work sleeping, drugs and banter keep you in the game
One of these days you will simply go to bed
And wake up knowing you have to melt it all together
Wishing that all your acquaintances were your friends
And all your friends knew each other
In a country where we shared the smoke within us between us

------
I'd rather have permanent employment than be called fascinating

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Comments

The following comments are for "Before a dream"
by wrdekle

lacking...
I don't know, something just seemed to be missing. This poem seemed to be almost more like prose than poetry. Maybe it would help to add some ryhthm? Personally, when I read this type of poetry I enjoy a solid, consisten ryhthm.

One other thing I noticed was that towards the end of the poem you seem to be less clear on what's going on. I got slightly confused reading the bits near the end, it might be a good idea to clarify that.

( Posted by: Farror [Member] On: June 4, 2004 )

Have to retort
To Farror's comment, your confusion is probably caused by the space constraint of the website shifting the natural breaks in the line. Farror, I assure you i'm very conscious of rhthym in my work and i'm sorry you missed the music in this particular piece.

And to be clear, towards the end of the poem, I'm very clear on what's going on - you, clearly, are not - which is the real issue you are trying to raise. Hint if you care: it's a discourse on work and our lives at work.

( Posted by: wrdekle [Member] On: June 5, 2004 )

no part of it now
Before being gently retired on disability, I knew the two worlds you refer to, I think. Now I have a remarkable world that could only have waited for me on this road. So sometimes you don't melt it together, sometimes one just evaporates. My life will no longer fit in a cubicle! Good poem. Thanks!

( Posted by: SamPark [Member] On: June 5, 2004 )

alright
If the website has changed the breaks in your poem could you possibly show me where they are supposed to be?

As for my confusion, I never said you didn't know what you where writing about, I said it becomes difficult to understand.

Hint: if I wanted to say that you didn't understand what you where writing, I would have said it right out.

( Posted by: Farror [Member] On: June 5, 2004 )

Work poem
Beautiful payin' your dues work poem. Wondering what you're really doing. The chain-gang of modern society. The sin of how distant we are from one another.

( Posted by: gomarsoap [Member] On: June 12, 2004 )

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