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Chapter 19
My birthday. October 21st. I am sixteen years old.
The clock read 9:03 a.m. as I picked my body up out of bed. The shower felt warm and humid. As I looked down at my protruding stomach, I realized that it was firm and significantly larger. 5 months pregnant. I rubbed my belly with soap and the baby kicked. I loved when it kicked. It was the most wonderful feeling. It was almost as if a butterfly was fluttering in me, or something was popping gently. I always imagined that my baby was telling me to stop touching it by kicking me. Just like a small child that didn’t want you to pick them up. I wondered if Steve would feel any differently about our baby if he felt it kick.
My father and Curtis greeted me loudly as I entered the kitchen, no sign of Fay and the boys; they usually show up around 10 a.m.
“Happy birthday!” They yelled.
I smiled to humor them. “Thanks.”
“What would the birthday girl like for breakfast?” Randy asked me in a cartoon voice.
“Hmm, waffles?” I responded.
“Sounds like a plan, Curt, will you go fetch me the waffle maker from downstairs?”
“Yes sir!” Curtis said enthusiastically and ran off to complete the task.
Randy turned to me, “I was thinking, since today is your sweet sixteen we could take you for a joyride, I know you don’t have your permit yet, but does that sound like fun?” My dad waited for me to respond.
“Yeah, you mean, I drive?” I asked. I hadn’t even thought about driving since the whole baby thing.
“Sure do!” Randy exclaimed.
“Oh wow, that sounds great!” I was excited, I clapped my hands together, “when do we go?”
“Well, I actually have to go to an all day meeting at the church today, but Fay said she would be more than happy to take you.”
My excitement level went from an extreme high to an all time low, I just looked at him disappointed.
“What?” He questioned my lackluster expression.
“Nothing, we don’t need to go today.” I turned away.
“Why not? You were just so happy two seconds ago.”
“I thought it was going to be just me and you.” I was scared of his reaction, this was first time I had actually hinted at my disapproval of Fay.
“Lily—” his eyes drooped, “Fay is so excited to spend time with you, and I promised that you would go with her.”
“I just—”
“Please just do this for me.” Randy clamped his hands together and begged.
“Well, I guess I have no choice then.”
“Lily, I would feel better if this was your choice and I wasn’t forcing you to do it.”
But he was forcing me; there was no way out of this horrible situation.
“Whatever,” I crossed my arms, “what time should I be ready by?”
“Probably about 12:30.”
“Okay then.”
“Dad I got the waffle maker!” Curtis yelled.
Suddenly, I wasn’t hungry.
I laid in bed and waited for Fay to arrive with the boys. Francis would probably be forced to watch them; he had just earned his babysitting license from the Red Cross. I dreaded the sound of their voices booming through the house whenever they arrived.
“Randy, Randy can I watch TV and eat chips?” Jojo would ask every single time he came over.
“Randy, did you know Mary Magdalene could have been Jesus’ girlfriend?” Thomas would always state some useless religious idea he learned that day to my father.
Of course, my father would greet them with open arms and forget his other children ever existed. I wished every night that he didn’t actually like Fay’s kids, but that he was just putting up with them so Fay would be impressed. My wish had become dimmer and dimmer as each day went on. Randy may even love them more than us.
My bed was warm and cozy, even if I was getting the chance to drive, I really didn’t want to leave my room. I had driven before, many times, just without permission. Pastor Randy didn’t know; I had always done it at my mother’s house. I hadn’t seen my mother in about a month; I’d talk to her a couple nights a week. She would sound miserable and ask me when I was coming back to her house and then I would give her a vague response. I couldn’t tell if she was sober or not, I’m sure that the loneliness was replaced by vodka too. There was no end in sight for her, all I could do was say ill talk to you later and pray that she wouldn’t leave the fireplace going.
My bedroom door creaked open; it was Bobbi. I made sure to pull my bed covers over my baby bump. She sat down on the edge of my bed and looked down at me, lying on the bed.
“Happy birthday, Lily,” she smiled, “you’re sixteen now.”
I lifted the top half of my body out of bed and leaned it against the headboard. I pulled my blankets up and rested my hands over my midsection. “Yup, I sure am.”
“I heard you are going for a drive with your dad’s girlfriend.”
Why did she have to bring it up? “Yeah, I guess I am.”
It felt awkward, we both didn’t know what to say, Bobbi and me had grown apart in the last couple of months, I never visited her in the garage anymore and she never made sly remarks to me as I walked by her either. I looked down at my sheets and played with white fuzz.
Bobbi broke the silence, “I’m moving out.”
My heart dropped, I didn’t expect her to say that at all. She couldn’t move out! Bobbi was my only source of freedom from my father and his new replacement family. “What?” My voice was weak.
“It’s just not right for your fathers ex-mother in law to be staying in his garage, and since your mother and him aren’t on the best terms I should just go.”
“He doesn’t care about that, he loves you!” I wanted her to stay so bad, she didn’t understand how horrible it would be if she left us.
“He may pretend to, but I am just a burden, we talked about it a couple of nights ago, I’ll be out at the end of this month.”
I was furious, why would he tell her she is a burden! “Where will you go? You have nowhere to live!”
“I’ll find a senior living center, and if worst comes to worst then I will live with Pamela.” She tried to brighten up the mood by pretending she had a plan in mind.
“I’ll talk to dad, he’ll let you stay!” My eyes welled up with tears.
“No, Lily, calm down, I don’t want to stay, this is also my choice. You can come visit me whenever you want, I’ll always be there for you.” She wrapped her arms around me as I rested my head on her shoulder and cried. Everything always had to go wrong. Why did she have to tell me on my birthday?
Bobbi held me up by the shoulders and looked me straight in the eyes, “Lily, now what are you going to do about the baby?”
I had forgotten to tell her about how the abortion didn’t work out and she had probably noticed that I’d continued to grow every week. There was no use denying it to her, she was Bobbi and Bobbi was always right.
“I don’t know, grandma, I couldn’t get the abortion. I kind of love this baby; I have to keep it now.” I wiped the tears off of my chin.
“You are only 16, you can’t possibly raise a child and me and Nadine are the only ones who know?”
“Nadine doesn’t know, she thinks I got the abortion,” I corrected her.
“She can’t tell that you have actually gotten bigger?” Bobbi was in awe of Nadine’s neglect to pay attention to me.
“She’s too busy with Tyrone, I’m sure that she thinks its just some extra pounds from me eating my feelings away anyways.” I looked up at Bobbi, she was grinning.
“Sheesh, I don’t know what were going to do with that girl.”
I chuckled, “me either.”
“Well, I will leave you be for now, but come and talk to me later, okay?” Bobbi waited for me to nod yes, “you know I love you Lily? No matter what happens you can always talk to me.”
“I love you too Bobbi, even if you’re a senile old bitch.”
Bobbi let out a hearty laugh, “and I love you, even if you’re a misguided tramp.”
Bobbi left my room shaking her head and smiling, I felt significantly better about her leaving. I knew that we’d always be close, even if she wasn’t 10 feet away from me at all times.
Fay arrived around 12:45. She didn’t have Jojo and Thomas with her, which was a complete surprise. Fay came upstairs and knocked on my door.
“Lillian, are you ready to go?” Fay sounded more cheery than usual.
“Yeah, hold on, I’ll be downstairs in a second.” I jumped out of bed and pulled a black sweatshirt on.
“Okay, take your time, no rush.” I listened to Fay trot down the stairs and rolled my eyes, this was going to be an atrocious day.
As I walked outside, I noticed Fay was looking into her compact and putting on lip-gloss. It was the cheesy dollar store brand too, I laughed to myself. Her lips sparkled, wet and pink. She smacked them together, looked up at me and smiled. She had no shame, Nadine wasn’t even that cheap.
Fay got into the passenger seat of her white 1997 Honda civic and clicked her seatbelt. I started up the engine and backed out of the driveway. She turned the radio dial to the country station. I smiled to myself again; of course Fay was into country music. The drive was silent; we both had nothing to say. The tension was so thick, I felt like I was being suffocated.
“So,” Fay offered, “how’s school going for you?”
I kept my eyes on the road, “fine.”
“Are you excited for the holidays?”
What a random question, I don’t know.
“Um, yeah, I guess so, are you?”
“Oh yes, Christmas is my favorite time of year,” Fay chanted.
“That’s nice.” Her conversation was dull and odd.
“I think it will be nice for all of us to spend the holidays together.”
Oh no, were they coming over for Christmas morning? I became immediately angry.
“Mhhm.” I wished she would just stop trying to talk to me.
“I can’t wait to take the Christmas card together, all of us; I think it will be so cute to have Jojo sit on your father’s lap with Betsy.”
My blood was boiling, how dare she put her child on my father’s lap, there was no way in Hell that I was going to be involved in a family Christmas photo with them. There were in no way my family.
“Why would Jojo sit on my dad’s lap?”
“I don’t know, I just think it would be cute, he really looks up to him.”
“Jojo is not my father’s child,” I stated loudly and coldly.
“Lily, I wasn’t saying, I mean I’m not trying to make you angry,” Fay defended herself.
“Well you did.”
“Look, honey, I’m just saying that me and your father are becoming pretty close and you should be ready if anything bigger happens between us.” Fay fiddled with her compact.
“Like what?” My breathing was becoming louder and faster.
“Well did your dad tell you? He is leaving the church.”
“What?! Why?” I yelled.
“They don’t think it’s appropriate for his personal life to interfere with his job. They really don’t approve of his annulment and, well, seriously dating me so soon after. Plus, I mean he hasn’t felt close with God ever since your mother left him.”
“How dare you talk about my mother!” I screamed. My eyes were beginning to water.
“Lily, I’m not saying anything about her, but she did commit adultery, that’s a mortal sin.”
“Will you just shut up? Like you should be talking about mortal sins, you slut!” My tears were blurring my vision; I wasn’t even paying attention to the road, the car swerved out of the lane.
“Lily, you should really watch the road!” Fay screamed with terror in her voice.
“I’ll do whatever the fuck I want, you aren’t my mother!”
“LILY, A TREE, WATCH OUT FOR THAT—!”
Screech. Boom. Crash.
That’s when it all went black.
God, was that the end?
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THE BIRTHDAY WISH
